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In college I dated a guy. He showered me with love, flowers, chocolate, cards, gifts. He introduced me to all his friends, told everyone about me, put me on a pedestal, took me on dates, told me he loved me.
He never pushed me to have sex outright. So...it felt like my choice. Except, it was more of a giving into all the attention and manipulation. I had sex with him. We embarked on a sexual journey together, one in which we slept together everyday, sometimes more than once in a day. He was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend. Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies.
He didn't love me, he just wanted to use me. He bought me things so I would sleep with him, not because he cared. He introduced me to his friends to show him the trophy he was sleeping with, not because he loved me. He was reluctant to introduce me to his family, because he knew I was temporary.
He would come home at 2 am at night...I would think that was unacceptable. Why couldn't we sleep at a normal time? I wanted to be healthy, I wanted to do well in school. He didn't care. He wanted to be up with his friends, but he didn't want to miss out on sex. So he would come to my place at night, justifying that he was busy with all his extracurricular organizations. No. He just didn't value me enough to come home at a decent time. He didn't value me enough to see me as anything more than sex.
He got into rave culture with his loser friends, they started taking ecstasy, Molly, sold weed around campus, smoked, drank, went out everyday of the week. It started to affect me...but he convinced me I was overreacting. I was so dramatic and not allowing him to have fun. I was a prude, I was boring. I wasn't letting him live his life. Right? WRONG. I was being strong, and every strong part of me was invalidated until I was a shell of who I was...allowing him to take advantage of me. I was paper thin.
Abuse in relationships creeps in slowly...it doesn't happen all at once. That time he bought me flowers? He set himself up to look like prince charming. But who is he really? He is a stalker creep dressed as a prince, trying to fuck young girls who were on edge about him to begin with.
Be careful to all girls...the insidious, disgusting way of predatory men is not obvious at first. Pay attention to his actions. Pay attention to his values, morals, and the way he treats other women in his life. Pay attention to what he says about his exes. Pay attention to the kinds of people he surrounds himself with. Pay attention to your own values. Is he breaking down your boundaries one invalidating comment at a time? Is he covertly trying to make you insecure, one eye roll...one dismissing remark...one comparison to other women at a time?
You are stronger than this. You deserve more. YOU have always come first. Remember that.
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This is inspiring <3 you really deserve the best, not anything less
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