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My Unsent Letter (It been a year and half since covid lockdown)
1 year ago · · Stress,
March 2020 was the event that changes the world. But for me, it was a painful psychological experince. Even though, I have been through physical and emotional abuse from family. Seeing unfortunate events at an early age. Seeing people dying on the battlefield. Was a walk in the park and I've learned how to move on in life. Now. During the lockdown, First, I experience a mental breakdown. Being stuck inside for a long time triggers PTSD. Because of my stepfather's abuse and my family forcing religious views on me. Thinking about hell and there no afterlife, or a black void. Once we died on earth. Second, fast forward two later, My ex-girlfriend cheated on me and try to pin the newborn child on me. Luckily, it was not my child. However, I made a promise to my friend. I even get cheated, dumped or my partner died of natural causes. She is there for me and started fresh with her parent's approval. As soon I was about to video chat with her and the family. I received an email from her that her parents died from Covid complications. That was her last message. After that, I didn't hear from her. I worried that she might commit suicide or it was too much and decided to away for a while. Third, My friends and other family member are dying from left to right to covid. Those are the ones who were close to me. That lead me to have paranoid and have panic attacks every hour. It took me about 3-4 months to get over it. Last, becoming a jerk or person with less empathy after seeing people on the streets and on TV that don't give a F**k.
As a tonite, I writing this to vent, express, and cried. I hope I don't live through this again in the future. But, from a positive perspective, before the pandemic, I was complaining that my life sucks. But now, it not so bad. At least, I had a vacation to catch up on my entertainment media, clean the apartment, talk to family and friends who care about me. Even though, I been binge eating and being on bed and couch and getting fat. I will not this opportunity again and excused. Last, this situation gave an opportunity to try new careers and different path in life. In addition, I hope there's true love out there. I have been working on my self-love and understand others. One day I hope she is there for me.