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The discussion was about going through your significant other's phone. I said that if my partner were to go through my phone, I would do a factory reset on theirs. Some people said that this made me abusive. I think not. I think going through your partner's phone is abusive. I don't care how "insecure" you are. That's your problem, not your partner's. And if you go through your partner's phone, you deserve to have yours erased. Period.
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I don't think abusive is the right word here. Also two wrongs don't make it right.
ReplyInvasion of privacy is definitely abuse
ReplyI disagree
ReplyThat sounds selfish
ReplyThat's a bit extreme and vindictive behaviour, to do a factory reset on a significant others phone.
I do not condone to go through your partners phone, when you should trust and respect each others privacy. Although, if you have nothing to hide and are open with your partner, then it shouldn't be a big deal but it depends. As long If it's not hurting anyone and crossing the line to intentionally cause harm.
They're may be trust issues within the relationship but could be for multiple reasons and doesn't have to be because of insecurity. It doesn't mean your partner is abusive based on that.
Trauma can cause trust issues.
Living through traumatic events may result in expectations of danger, betrayal, or potential harm within new or old relationships. Survivors may feel vulnerable and confused about what is safe, and therefore it may be difficult to trust others, even those whom they trusted in the past.
Therapy can help with that.
Usually something becomes abusive towards others, if when it's used to gain full control and power over the other person's life. When it's deliberately meant to harm the person overall, to gain power or personal gain from them using abusive tactics.
It's abusive when it's to manipulate,humiliate, negating, and criticizing. Belittle, shame, control,gaslight, emotional neglect, isolated and psychological abuse.
It's anticipated with alot of coercive controlling behaviours and similar to narcissistic abusive behaviours.
It becomes a problem when the significant other is remorselss, unempathetic and lacks conscience but again this is extreme cases.
Going through someone's phone may not be abusive, depending in what context and if not meant to cause harm. If it's out of curiosity or insecurity without it doing damage it isn't a big deal.
However, putting spyware, monitoring, tracking you're significant other through their phone is controlling and abusive. When it's also anticipated with the other extreme abusive and controlling behaviours. It when boundaries are dehumanizing that's when it's a problem.
Replyit’s literally not a big deal if you are already sharing these things with said person anyhow. just a curiosity like if you bought a new laptop I might want to check it out just to see it. it’s not vindictive and isn’t a sign of big insecurities. what does that say about you eavesdropping on people or you wouldn’t be discussing this in the first place right?
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