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So I have this friend. . .
(Note: these details have been distorted and left just vague enough to protect everyone's privacy.)
And he is a male who suffered a very traumatic childhood in an impoverished home. Drug alcohol porn and gambling filled household from a young age.
Father halfheartedly tried to hide him from it. But he was an addict and a drunk. Party people I guess they were called.
And recently this friend has begun to experience flashbacks of certain things that he couldn't remember before. Well, I say recently. But it's been years that this has been occurring on different levels.
But as the pandemic set in, he was beginning to slowly remember strange sensations and react to odd triggers.
He has long realized that the has been drawn to sexually abusive older women again and again.
But in February of 2020 he had his first recollection of sexual assault as a young boy by a teenage girl. Violent. Degrading. Filled with vivid descriptions of verbal abuse, which, after hearing my friend recall, I was sick with disgust and very dist8for many weeks. He was terrified and still in elementary school and she forced home to penetrate her and then she beat him.
I could hardly talk to him after the conversation we had about that for months. I had scars of my own just from hearing about it.
But my friend, he's one of those manly af men who will never let himself be known to have ever been any thing that could have been considered weak or a victim at any time in his who life. So I know for a fact that in the only one he feels comfortable talking to about this.
So we talked more eventually
A recollection of a female classmate in high school who he was attracted to who forced herself on him in a classroom while everyone was in the cafeteria for lunch and she pushed him down and forced him to perform oral sex on her.
And now he is having memories of an old nanny who his family used since he was a newborn.
But the thing that really freaks me out and triggers me and why I have to describe somewhat these horrible things in almost contrast to this part that shocks me, is that he refuses to understand that he was sexually assaulted. He says all these creepy things like he was lucky to be so desirable. It's terrifying to me to see that my friend can't see something so obvious.
Like that part of this interaction, this whole, "no, I'm a man, so I can't be raped by a woman" attitude that he has, its honesty starting to trigger me. I feel bad I said I need some space again to process he said he understands. But I say I cant understand him.
Don't feel like I need any problem solving on this one though guys. I'd just really needed to vent emotionally.
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That sounds really tough for both of you. I'm glad he can talk to you about it even if you have to take breaks. Him talking about it to you only (someone he trusts) shows that deep down he knows it was bad and not "lucky". I hope he can heal from all those experiences and learn that its okay to not be so tough and manly all the time. That must be so exhausting. It might take a while but with help from someone close, he'll get there eventually. Sending love and good luck your way <33
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