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Dear L
I miss you. I miss our old relationship. We used to talk about everything, I never had to hide myself from you. Never had to pretend to be happy or cover my pain but now, now you are happy living far away and moving on. You call and tell me your news, ask for mine and then we just exchange fluff, I wish I could tell you how whilst your life is full of fresh hope mine feels as though it's choking me. I miss your hugs and words of comfort even if they were sometimes misguided, you cared. I know you still care but we are no longer living side by side, sharing life's ups and downs. I want to tell you how almost every night I cry and wish to die, I think of all the ways I could and all the pain that I would be released from and in doing so inflict on you and others. I want to scream, pull my hair out, gouge my eyes, burn my skin and I don't know why I feel like this, why I make life tourture. I wish I did, I blame it on my grief at losing our closeness, or on my inability to focus on anything but crying but really I don't know. Some days I can barley walk for the sheer weight of air around my body, my heart constricted my chest hollow. We used to share all this, you would hold me, bring me back to Earth. Now I can't bear to tell you, to pull you down when life is finally turning a corner for you but I am left feeling alone, lost without you. We will never again live so closely and that paralyses me, leaves me utterly desolate. Would that I could simply fade away, leave no pain, feel nothing, be nothing.
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this hits hard cuz it reminds me of my crush even though we never rlly had those moments and my name starts with L. It sounds so fun to be in love but those feelings hit hard, is there any way you think you can reconnect with L and perhaps go back to the way it was?
ReplyI don’t think so, I don’t think I can be close to her without being love with her, not living with her or sharing our lives together as we were but she has said she simply doesn’t feel the same way. She wants to stay friends but it’s so hard, I can’t share all this hurt with the one person I would turn to for everything. Are you still in touch with your crush?
Reply