What are you looking for?
“You can share your feelings with me”
1 year ago · · depressed,
I would love to.
But I can’t.
I’m severely conflicted towards the point of feeling intense degradation of my self worth— or allowing myself to become vulnerable in order to trust another human. Whose mind works evidently different than mine.
The thing is, I WANT to confide into someone, I really do. I crave that sentence over anything in my life. I NEED somebody to listen to me, to be attentive to me. To care about me, I require validation.
But, I become deserted when I realise that I have trust issues and overcoming that is an obstacle within itself. I don’t want to trauma dump either. I don’t want to burden anybody. I have always dealt with sorrow alone, so why not do it again? And again, and again, and again, and repeat until I can no longer hold my sanity. No I don’t want to overshare, seem as if I’m complaining, embarrass myself, seem ungrateful. And even if I did share, I don’t want every one to know how I feel. I don’t want to regret sharing information because then they hold my most vulnerable episode right in their hands. I feel like I’ve lost control and now they have taken the remote. They can trigger me when they feel like it, switch my emotional channels on and off. Alert me. But then again, that’s my trust issues talking.
I wish I functioned normally, I wish I wasn’t so complicated. I wish I loved myself instead of just accepting my fate. I wish, I wish, I wish. Because that’s all that I’m capable of.