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I'm 14. People say I'm so mature for my age all the time and it makes me want to throw up for multiple reasons. Whenever I complain about it to someone they just tell me that it's a good thing or that it just means I'm wise. Gross. Wise is what you call old people who have lived like 200 years and know everything. I don't wanna be seen as wise, I want to be seen as young, which is what I am. When people see me as mature, they obviously don't treat me my age. They expect the same things from me as they would from an adult (etc.). Bitch I'm a child, lower your standards.
I hate when people talk to me like I'm 40 or something. My mom has ALWAYS talked to me like an adult. I hateeee ittttt. She doesn't only talk to me like that, she TREATS me like an adult. Ever since I was little I was exposed to things that I shouldn't have been. Things that were too much for my age then, and too much for my age now. I want to be taken care of and loved and get the same attention that other kids my age do.
I used to just cringe a little when someone would call me mature but now I cringe so much it makes me physically move. I know they mean well most of the time (some say it in a neutral/observatory way) but I can't stand it. It makes me want to gag and die. My aunt was talking (to my therapist š¤” is it surprising that I had one?) about how much more mature I am than my cousin who is a year older than me. They were talking about it like it was some crazy thing but tbh I think a 6 yr old would be more mature than my cousin but whatever (sorry cousin xx<3).
I do agree that I'm smart and mature but I don't want to be. It's too much work. It's exhausting. I just want to be innocent and oblivious and happy. I'm jealous of my bff because her life is litterally so simple. Everything is done for her and she doesn't have to work for anything at all. She's spoiled and always gets what she wants. Whenever she tells me about a "problem" she has I have to stop myself from laughing because it's such a stupid, meaningless thing. I want my problems to be stupid, meaningless things too. She begs me to tell her my problems too because she wants to know everything about me and help. She couldn't help if she wanted to. We've been friends since kindergarten but I don't tell her personal things (some things but not alot) because shes just not an easy person to comfortably share with. No one I can talk to is. When she asks whats wrong I lie and tell her about some small thing that's just annoying me. She couldn't handle my š³š¦š¢š problems anyway. Idk If there's anyone who can. Not even me.
I want to escape my mind, myself, my life, everything, and everyone. I'm tired. I get jealous of other people very easily. I'm jealous of people I don't even know. Im jealous of people at school. I'm jealous of people on TV. I'm jealous of people in books and movies and even of people in my dreams. I'm jealous of my other cousin's unborn baby because she and her husband are the only people who actually treat me normally/well and I really really like them (even tho her hubby makes me nervous but that's just cuz men freak me out but that's for another post..). She took me places when I was visiting where they live, she bought me things, she talked to me etc. and now when the baby is born they'll have priorities. Priorities that don't include me. I'm left out, alone again. I feel bad for being jealous of a baby but I have good reasons to be. No one takes care of me and now the closest thing I have to being taken care of is going to be gone when the baby is born. I don't even live where they/all my family on my moms side live but still. She won't think of me as much and she won't be able to do anything with me when I visit because she'll have a baby to take care of. Stupid ass baby š it better at least be a girl or ill be pissed.
I want a new family. I want new friends. I want a new life. Im so bored. I want an adventure. I want to live while I'm still alive. I wish I was born in another reality. I crave attention and love and care. I crave other people and closeness. I crave family. All I can say is ugh. Ugh is a serious understatement. I just want someone to come save me. I feel neglected in every way (I could go on for days about that but it's 7 am now and I haven't slept yet so I cant rn)
P.S. please give me all your opinions and thoughts on everything I've said even if you think it doesn't matter. I just want to be acknowledged for once in my whole life
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I'm sorry that people always treat you like an adult. People shouldn't treat kids like an adult, it's awful and it weighs on the kids and I would describe it more but I have a headache right now and you obviously know how it feels, unfortunately. It must be so tiring to have to deal with that with everyone, I really wish people wouldn't do that. I hear you, I hear how much this affects you and I wish people didn't do this to you.
And I understand the best friend thing. I don't have a best friend but I have a few close friends and it's so hard to share my problems with them because our problems are just so different, it makes me wonder if they'll ever really know me. But I really wish I could talk to them about my problems. It's hard
ReplyI FELT THIS like ffs i just wanna be a KID (iām 17)
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