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This girl I know
1 month ago · · Crush,
It's 5 AM and I can't sleep so I thought I'd write about this pretty girl I know.
She changes her hair from time to time. It was really short at one point, and it's changed colors a couple of times. It always looks nice. I wonder why she ever changes it, but it's never a mistake.
I like the way she smiles when she's with her friends. Her mouth stretches as wide as her cheeks will allow and her eyes glow and you can tell how much she loves to be with them. I want to know how to make her smile that wide.
Her face is smooth and round, and slightly chubby on the sides. I would like to kiss the side of her face and feel how soft and warm it is. When I look into her eyes for a few seconds I see more than I can handle. I'd like to hold her close to me and gaze into her eyes and soak up everything they say to me and keep trying to understand what depth they can discuss with me and how many questions they can ask me in each passing moment.
She has an awkward walk. I don't know if that's mean to say. I find it cute though. She holds her spine and her arms at a weird angle, just slightly off. I wonder if she's self-conscious or something. Sometimes I walk awkwardly like that if I'm thinking too much about how my walk looks. Is it a sign of discomfort? I'd like to know how she walks when there's nobody to judge her.
Her appearance is nothing next to her words. I never struggle to pay attention. I'm gripped by every word even when she discusses the mundane. Somehow she always knows what she's talking about. I wonder if her knowledge and wisdom ever run out. And she speaks with such sweetness too. She is always so warm. She seems to consider everyone with so much care and love and she seems so afraid to offend people. Sometimes she runs out of words for a second, like anyone does I guess, but when she says, "Um...," her jaw does this funny little thing where it pops open off to the side. I can't explain it. Why do I keep seeing it in my head?
I wish she would talk to me more. And not just when she has to, or when it's polite. I wish we could meet just to talk. She could tell me about anything. Really, anything. Whatever she wants to talk about, I would be over the moon just knowing she wanted to say it to me.
So many little things about her matter to me. Every little thing about her seems to bring me joy. I have never felt quite that way about anyone else. I really wish I mattered to her like she mattered to me. It makes me wonder am I that much less cool? Am I that much less smart? Did I do something wrong? I guess I have to ask what did she do so right? Sure, she was pretty and smart and nice, but I can't really explain it beyond that. It's just something about who she is and who I am that makes me feel this way. It's so powerful but does it mean anything?