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I don't have any sense of self. I think I'm having an identity crisis but I honestly don't know if it's bad to just "throw it around." It's hard to tell what I hate about myself and what I want my ideal self to be. My mental health (and probably pysical health a little bit) are quite bad. I have trouble communicating with other people so I'm struggling to tell my therapist. I just wanted to share.
What do I want to look like? What if I look ugly when I try to change my appearance? How do I figure out who I am and my place in the world? Why do I dislike my name? I hate how I look but I'm having trouble figuring out why and what exactly. Something feels off and I don't know what. I would say I am not me but that sounds too dramatic and I'm not sure that's the way to describe how I'm feeling.
Also, for some reason I am drawn to trans/nonbinary spaces but I feel like a feminine girl (I'm AFAB btw), I think? Sometimes I worry if I might be nonbinary (And I have had short spouts of feeling like it before) but I don't think that's it. I don't know why these thoughts keep invading my mind. I don't understand why I feel sort-of happy when I hear people say you can be trans without dysphoria. I'm not nonbinary or a man, for crying out loud! I feel like an attetnion seeker for writing this last paragaph.
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I was in this exact situation for 2-3 months before I finally told my friends. I told them to use they/them to see how I felt about it. I loved not being perceived as a girl. Then about 3 months later, I starting feeling like a girl, but I still didn’t want people to perceive me as such. I then realized that I might be genderfluid. Also, it is possible to be a Demi girl; where you partly feel like a girl but not fully. I never feel like a man though. (I’m also AFAB) My Instagram is mya_galvan if you need someone to talk to. I hope you find peace with your true, inner self because I know for a fact that you are amazing and beautiful. You might not see it yet, but you definitely are.
ReplyThis made me feel really valid, thank you. Sadly, I'm a young teenager and my parents are kinda strict so they don't allow me to use social media yet, so I don't feel comfortable talking with you on Insta, so sorry about that. I think I'm going to tell my therapist about this, and try to figure out things. Then maybe I'll ask my friends for help about this. Again, thank you for the kind words.
ReplyDon't feel down if you can't pin point your sense of self. The first thing you probably want to do, is try to search for your feelings about that whole idea. Feeling is where it's at, you can try and find words that fit you later. If you can feel your own being, you're on the way. And don't let anyone doubt yourself if you can, what others think about you or whatever is just some subjective opinion. If you can feel your sense of self, you can't be harmed by those toxic people anymore.
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