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Recently I read something pretty interesting regarding our brains and how it can't percept romantically and platonic relationships differently. That being said a breakup is painful no matter the nature of it.
I was never a huge fan of romantic relationships, not my cup of tea, but ever since I can remember I wanted a friend that I could share a lot of personal stuff with and who would never judge me, no matter how weird those thoughts could be. 4 years ago I thought I finally met this person. You know, how you click immediately and how you realise you are very similar, even sharing undiagnosed mental health issues (because no one is normal these days we all have our trauma). She was the person I felt comfortable with and wanted to share everything. While we were in high school we would talk and see each other everyday, even going out in the weekends. We were more or less a two deal package and we would always joke about how we would act as if we were married, but we knew that this, our friendship and our level of trust was far more deep than a marriage.
Of course, nothing new, both from toxic and dysfunctional families who never thought us how to show affection in a healthy way or how to deal with our emotions (both of us repressing them and not understanding them that well), we found understanding in each other. Even after we finished high school and went to different universities we managed to stay in touch, texting every day and even face timing to vent about problems and keep each other updated on our lifes. Recently, after coming back for the summer I started to feel that we were no longer that close. I can't explain the feeling but it just is one of those gut feelings that you can never seem to shake of. We used to hang out all the time, while still having different friend groups and a common one. She has not said anything to me directly, but she slowly started to cancel plans and hang out more often with other people.
I'm not writing this to sound dramatic, I literally feel so disappointed and annoyed because I experienced this before and it sucks. I want closure, but at the same time I know I'm not going to get it because nowadays no one explains themselves anymore. I had to google "how to deal with a friendship breakup" because I don't know how to deal with it in fact and I don't know who to talk to about this.
I always felt comfortable with writing and I remember a study that I read a few years back which said that writing down negative thoughts and expressing how you feel is healthier than bottling it up, so that's what I'm doing now. I used to keep a journal, but I lost it long ago since I thought I got over this and I had someone to talk to. I no longer have that person and it sucks. I still have the impulse to message her or call her when I see things that remind me of our inside jokes.
Anyway, I hope I feel better after this.
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