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Hiya! I miss you! Are you up there? If you are I know you aren't looking over me and that is ok, I understand that we weren't the closest friends and I know there are many more people who need your guidance much more than I do. Anyway I wanted to say that you leaving this world impacted so many people, so many more than you knew. We were in band together and in drama together and I remember when the loudspeaker told us you were gone. They obviously didn't say your name but we all knew. I miss you, I miss the opportunities we never had, and every day I think about what would've been if I had become closer to you quicker. You kissed my cheek one time and I still remember how confused was. It was so quick and sweet and I truly think that that moment was the spark of my sexuality awakening. You were so beautiful and smart and kind, and had just the best soul I've ever seen. I hate myself for not being so close with you. You named one of our pets and when I realized she was gone it was like a whole other piece of you went with her and it hurt even more. I wish you could've seen your graduation, how beautiful, but empty it was. I know if you would've decorated your cap it would've been far more beautiful than the regular gray one they sat out for you. Someone should've decorated your cap, YOU should've got to decorate your cap. I understand why you did what you did, but I don't think you fully realized what damage it would have. You were getting help, I wish it would've happened faster and you got better faster, I wish they weren't so cruel, I wish you would've tip toed to keep your life. You didn't deserve any of this baby girl and I wish you would've realized how much better life could've been for you, college, love, everything you every wanted. I am now older than your forever age and I can't even begin to cope with that. You should've stayed older forever. We all loved you and cared for you so much, you were the band momma. I miss you so much there are so many more words I wish I could share with you.
I'll never forget, the feeling of your soft lips on my cheek, completely unaware of what it would become.
I love you,
The baby clarinet <3
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