What are you looking for?
3 months ago · · Ex boyfriend,
you always told me that long distance doesn't work, that its impossible. you knew i was 453.3 miles away and across a whole ocean. why did you act like you could do it, why did you say all those things to me about, coming to see me, catching a flight out or coming to stay here in my city for a bit. why would say things like that if you were only going to use me to heal you from your trauma's and leave. You cried to me on snap and spoke to me about family, friends, love and all the topics in the world, and walked away as if i was some therapist for you. i told you how is struggle to trust and undressed my mental health and and pulled the curtains on everything so you knew what you were getting into. i told you i have never had anything stable in my life and you responded with "now you have me."
i never "had" you, you showed me the version of you i wanted to see at the beginning and toward the end you treated me as if i was some stranger, or a friend that's okay with being left on opened for three days. Those three days you had me worried sick. not one call, text or email. i had cut you out of my life completely until you finally replied to me with "took a break from socials but i'm back."
how dare you even attempt to re enter my life after making me stay up countless nights waiting for you to text me back, every morning i would wake up and want to see your notification but be faced with disappointment and a feeling of betrayal because as i checked your snap score those numbers would go up by the minute, those numbers constantly turning into the amount of thoughts which hustle around my once silent mind.
i hope that one day you realize that you left a girl who could've showed you what true love was about, who would've loved you till your dying breath until the afterlife. a girl who would've moved planets and contains love which could traverse time and space itself, pull constellations to fit every beauty spot and freckle on your imperfect body which i loved to bits, as much as you hated it.
you never knew the little things about me, like how i know the little things about you.
the beauty spot on your left shoulder, the freckles under your right eye, that brown bracelet you'll never take off.
i remember this once i asked you to name three things you know about me and you couldn't even name one. you made me feel unheard, unappreciated, you made me feel as if i was just an extra in your life when there is someone out there who would treat me as their main. treat me the way i deserve to be treated.
i don't understand how you could buy me a necklace, and just leave me.
i'll never be able to take this necklace off, because if i take it off... it means i have to let you go too. And i'm not ready too.
"i hate you so much"
~ yours always,