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driving in his car
he placed his hand on the spot that was only
touched by yours for weeks.
my hand glided up his arm, into the nook of
where his forearm and bicep meet.
.
it reminded me of you.
.
his arms feel different
i dont feel loved when he touches me
i dont get butterflies
.
he leaned in for a kiss and ran his hands
through my hair
it wasn't gentle
it wasn't like how your lips felt against mine
i dont feel loved when he kisses me
i dont get butterflies.
.
you're losing me.
.
once i've finally moved on
i wont be convinced to let you back in,
regardless of the hold you think you have.
.
he feels different, but maybe different is good.
different isn't effecting my mental health.
different isn't making me second guess my worth every week.
different isn't constantly reminding me that I am not her.
different doesn't make me feel used.
different doesn't feel unpredictable.
.
but, different makes me miss you.
your lips,
the way you spoke to me,
and listened.
your eyes and the way you looked at me,
your hands and the way you held me.
the way you knew exactly how to make me feel better.
.
once I have let you go,
I won't be convinced to dig up past feelings.
.
please don't let me let you go.
k.z.
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