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So there's this guy, let's call him by the name "paint", who I was really close with when we were still in grade school. I see him as a really close friend that I care for. Not until I felt awkward towards him when rumors were circulating that he likes me more than a friend. Since then, I have been keeping my distance from him and have been treating him as if we were never friends. Paint and I became classmates in 8th grade and I was having a hard time during that time because I wasn't comfortable with all the teasing from my other classmates. It's not like I hated him, I actually really liked him too. It's just very hard for me to express how I feel. Most of the times, I know I am the problem. When things felt wrong, it's actually not because something wrong is going on, it's because of my own thinking. So I tend to push people away and only the ones who truly understands me chose to stay and accept me for who I am. I am trying to change the way I am little by little. But there are times when I relapse and go back to phase one. Paint did a lot of things for me back then. They were small but sweet gestures. Honestly, he probably was the only guy that made me felt important because even my own father failed to do so. But I never even once acknowledged Paint. And that's one of my regrets too. Like all other people, he became tired of me. He gave up on me and went out with other girls who gave him the attention that he deserves. Paint was and is too good for me. Now that I think about it, I pushed him away because he doesn't deserve to be with someone very broken like me. He deserves someone pure, kind, charming, beautiful, and all other nice words to describe his present girl friend. Paint and his girl are happy now and I'm also happy for him. My friends tell me to move on from him and I swear to God I am doing my best. I unfollowed him on Instagram since he is active there and switched to private mode. Moving on from Paint might take a long time, but I also wish to find love someday.
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I understand that it must be tricky to move on, but definitely try and not regret the decisions that you've made. That's what made you a strong person as you today! Love isn't something you hunt down and look for, I'm sure someone with a kind heart and good intentions such as yourself will come across love. But only when you least expect it :)
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