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Today mom was like August is almost over the years went by fast. I'm like yeah it's had alot of stress in it too. She had nothing to say about that. Because she knows it's true the same b.s. that is like ♻️. It's the truth. Just because you refuse to acknowledge something doesn't make it untrue or mean it don't and doesn't happen. Like the b.s. here every month. Because he has a bad addiction he refuses to try to get help for and makes our lives primarily mine hell. I don't think he wants off of them or he'd be making some effort to seek help instead being stupid wasting all the money in the house and causing us fights every single month. Refusing to apologize because he don't and doesn't want to remember the things he did while drunk n drugged up even when you try to tell him he don't care don't wanna hear it. He is the problem here he brings all the misery here. Not me. Ok some mom but not always like he does mainly. His birthday last week we didn't even speak. Well because he started a fight is why. He never has to deal with abusive parents. He quit school because he said every time he got a bad grade he was paddled. Well I might have compassion if he hadn't beat and injured me 3 times with his hands and fists to my face and neck choking me pummeling me in drug withdrawal. His parents weren't abusive. Maybe mean when they had to be but they never beat him. Talked bad to him some sure but never abused him. They weren't perfect but they treated me well while alive. Idk if I'll ever get an apology for all he's done to me. He is in part why I need therapy. The rest I can't mention. I suppose he was abusive to mom too as a drunk in their beginning too . Destroying a giant pic made of us I never got to see in a angry drunk. I still dk why mom didn't divorce him for good. If he dies before I do idk what I'll do with his remains. Sure if mom is alive she'd have a say but it's been nothing but bad memories the last number of years. The good ones mostly faded because of what he's done to me over so many years. He never tried to be a good father. He always chased drugs n alcohol and treated drug dealers like royalty and me like garbage unless he wants something from me. So how do you honor that or have feelings for a parent like that? Idk.
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