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i think i rushed my healing, assuming i could just get back up when i realized i wasnt in the wrong. but its not true, im still constantly doubting myself, and this causes me to doubt the people who care about me, and i know this.. which causes me to think theyll get tired of reassuring me.
my manipulative experience wasnt romantic, nor was it irl, but it felt insanely real and i was in a whirlwind of emotions, its hitting me months later that im not okay and im still torn from this. i doubt myself, my morals and values, personality. evrrything i thought i knew about why people say and do the things the do had been turned upside down. it feels like my enemy is me, that im wrong and i need to constantly question myself and question if questioning myself is right and so on. i feel like im spiraling. ive never said this before, but it feels like im going crazy, i dont think i am.. but is that feeling of spacing out every once and awhile, like im not even here. or im on edge, or on the verge of tears believing my closest friends dont really like me. i feel like the jokes i make arent jokes, i dont even know who i am anymore. am i in need for powrr and control now that im out of that manipultive friendship ? i feel like my subconscious has been in control today, and im finally seeing thatim NOT ok. i really thought i was doing well. i WAS doing well, until today?? how can i spiral this fast. this is all a jumble of words but what my brain is going tjrough is far too complicated to process into sentences.
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You are going to be okay. Everything will be fine. I give you all the prayers of mine. Just don't lose hope. Take care!!
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