I need advice

I’m studying really hard, sometimes after finishing my studies I feel lonely, I really feel like I want someone in my life, I need someone who can relief my stress and pain, I constantly have anxiety, at school, I’m always shy to talk to someone, I’ve had a crush in the past but he turned out a jerk, (never gotten to a relationship before) never had a first kiss, never been touched by anyone and I’m still a virgin, I mean sometimes I don’t want anyone in my life, I try my best to convince myself that I’m going to be better and that I’m not lonely at all because I have a mother and a sister, but my

sister completely doesn’t understand me, my mom ignores my emotions and just keep saying that I don’t feel great because I’m not close to god, it’s really hard, sometimes I cry alone and I hear nothing but air, cause no one cares about me, that’s why I need love, I’m desperate at all, but I have my reasons, one time I cried at school and nobody knew why, I said that I had a fight with my mom at the morning but I didn’t,

my guy friend tried to comfort me I just straight up went to the bathroom and puked, I’m just so lonely that I hug my clothes and hug my pillow, my dad left mom when I was 4 so I don’t have this quite relationship with my dad to have some advice, it’s hard, can you please help me