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over the summer i visited my parent's homeland with my mom and my siblings.
i've always had a pretty bad relationship with my dad and it started to get better when i was away from him. we would talk over call.
now i don't even want to see him. he invited guests (his sister and her son) from the country we were visiting while we were in that country. then he didn't bother to tell us until the day before they departed, which was a week before we did.
i have depression and i had just started to get it under control where it's manageable to live with. i've noticed it's primarily triggered by change and this is a huge change. i often feel suicidal. i can't talk to anyone or my dad might kill me. this is not an exaggeration.
i now share a room with my little sister, aged 10. she's around the age of puberty so she's very very moody and refuses to accept that she is growing. she doesn't even change her pad. the only reason i know about this is because she makes a huge scene when my mom talks to her about it.
i have ocd and i always go to bed a very specific way. my sister often ruins it by talking to me in the middle of the night or creaking her mattress. so i have to get up and redo my routine all over again.
back to my aunt. let's call her nala, and her son hal. i hate both of them. right now they are watching stranger things at the highest volume while i am crying trying to do my homework. that show is filled to the brim with swears, hal is 9 and neither of them speak english well.
they're living with us for one year. hal is joining my siblings in elementary school. he doesn't care about school and doesn't take my suggestions for his esl class.
my brother is used to being the only boy so now he's been taking it hard too. he cries a lot. he always says things like, "oh, are you having fun with your new son?" and my dad thinks it's a joke. it's not. he talked to me and my mom last night. he feels very neglected and unloved.
9th grade is already hard enough for me, my entire body is sore, my family is corrupting and i am done with this. my mom obviously doesn't love my dad and vice versa. i wish they would get a divorce. i hate my dad. i hate my relatives on his side (besides my older cousin.) he should just marry his sister and leave me alone. i needed to get this off my chest. thank you for listening.
extra notes
*my cat is my only reason for living and hal keeps bothering him after I tell him to stop. he pets, pulls, grabs and yanks him.
**hal also keeps eating all our food. we have to make daily grocery trips because of him eating so so much.
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