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Is it wrong?
1 month ago · · Advice,
Is it wrong to feel bothered to help someone?
My friend doesn't work. He has a job but they rarely call him in as it is casual. Whenever he is in need of money he comes to me. Whether it be food or money he owes someone else, he comes to me always and only me I believe.
I, as a person, I can be very lenient, very giving. I'm the person who will always say yes even if I don't want to or if it's hard to. I work and I'm saving money. Don't get me wrong, I will be willing to help a friend for almost any reason. But sometimes, sometimes I just feel bothered. My whole life I've always been the person who just lets things go, even the worst.
Back in highschool I would carry my wallet in my schoolbag. I had a friend who knew about it. And well, she would end up asking me, only me? I guess because she just knew I had enough to lend her. But it got worse. It got to the point where one time afterschool, she waited by my lockers and with her own will, she went ahead and opened up my wallet to borrow some money.. for shopping. If I'm gonna be honest, I can't remember if she did repay me back. But be in mind, my memory is pretty bad. I'm still friends with her till this day. Occasionally, she'd still ask to borrow money from me, but I'd try to come up with some sort of excuse. At the moment, she still owes me a bit, and tbh it is likely she won't pay me back anytime soon. And I hate being the person to nag or even just bring up about money being owed because it makes me feel bad? I just don't want to come off as stingy..
Not long ago, I broke up with my bf. One of the biggest problems I had with him was that I was always paying for our food. I was basically paying for two people. He never tried to offer to pay an amount and when I would ask him to, he would negotiate to pay less than half.. and what's stupid is that he does work, every week. And he gets paid more than me, yet somehow he can't save. His excuse of me paying was always because he knew I had more money saved up in my bank account. So he would always expect me to pay. I did bring up this a few times and he would occasionally pay me back. But I know for a fact till this day, he still hasn't fully repaid me back. And sucks to because both of us doesn't drive, I would usually have to pay for my own ride to get to his otherwise I'd have to ask someone to drive me sometimes. Even though I brought up this issue, he really didn't see it as a problem. Instead, he excused about how his friends relationships are like that too, where one person is the financial support. But is that even a good thing?
And now... I'm dealing with the friend I mentioned in the beginning. I know he doesn't mean no harm or anything, he is actually a good friend. But yet, it still triggers me. His debt atm is well above, maybe more than $400? And it sucks. Last time he promised me he will pay a bit of it with his paycheck.. but he ended up spending it all on food and other things. And well, that made me pretty upset. But his excuse was that was his first paycheck, and he wanted to use that on himself.
It's just frustrating. Whenever he asks me to buy him food, he knows I don't like it and he knows the issue I dealt with my last bf. But despite this, he still asks. And its a lose lose situation because if I say yes, I feel like crap about it yet if i say no, I feel bad for not buying him food when he's hungry. But it ticks me off that he basically apologises everytime but I think to myself, whats the point of apologising if you're going to continue doing it. Why do we apologise for something we know we shouldn't be doing yet we still continue to do it?