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I was raped like 2/3 ish months ago. I didn't do anything about it and I don't want to because I just want to pretend it didn't happen. It's hard to pretend though because now I feel weird around my male friends. I have one really close friend who I've know since elementary and I dont like that I'm starting to subconsciously avoid him. Idk why. It's weird. Like I feel uncomfortable around him/them and that's never happened before. Am I crazy for that?? I don't like it :(.. No one knows about any of it and I don't really want to tell anyone.... actually yes I do. I just don't have anyone to tell. Tbh my closest friend is the guy friend I was talking about but I feel like it'd be weird to randomly tell him that. I guess I could talk to one of my other girl friends but idk. Maybe. Ugh I'm talking too much. Why do I feel so weird now.. how do I stop? This is too much for me rn I'm gonna cry I feel so alone
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Hey, just wanted to say I'm so proud of you for writing that, I completely understand how you feel and its completely normal, it's your body's response to what happened, I guess you could say you're in "protective mode" I reckon tell someone you're close to, even if it's that guy friend. You could start the conversation by saying something like "hey I know I've probably been a bit off with you, something traumatic happened and I guess I'm just finding things difficult" hopefully then, you won't have to say the words, I know how difficult that can be. I really really hope you're able to reach out and get all of the support that you deserve! You haven't done anything wrong and I'm unbelievably proud of you! You've got this!! I hope you have a nice relaxing day ❤
ReplyI was also a victim of such evil things, and I understand your confusion and reluctance. I hope you find a better way to deal with the aftermath of such abuse than I did. I am sorry you suffered and still suffer.
ReplyI remember I struggled with looking men in the eye, still do from time to time as I feel bouts of depression and anxiety pop up. First off, I commend you on talking about this (anonymously counts!!!)
You are brave and worthy! Please, continue to talk about this. Let these feelings out with someone you trust! We all need help sometimes and need a safe space to feel vulnerable.
Thank you for sharing
ReplyI want to start off by saying I believe you, your feelings are valid, and you are not alone in this complex and shitty situation. I went through a similar experience, and it can be very isolating. Mine was 3 years ago and i still have issues with trusting men. It takes time, it takes healing, it takes having to teach yourself that it wasn't your fault, and that not all guys are like that. It is your choice to share that or not, I'm happy that you were brave enough to come to this platform and hopefully get some weight off your shoulders. If you wanted to tell your guy friend, I don't think that is weird at all, it's whoever you feel would be there to support you and bring you comfort. Someone you can trust. Trust becomes harder, intimacy become more complex, but you just have to take life by the balls and don't let that disgusting person or memory define you or you journey. You are strong, you are bad ass, you are beautiful, and you are worthy of feeling comfortable in your skin.
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