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War With My Mind.
1 month ago · · Depression,
I am at war with myself.
I jump at the first opportunity to silence my mind. She is constantly screaming things at me as if I can't already hear her. She reminds me of the sad things in my life as if I am not already aware, seeing as it repeats in my head every day. So I try to silence her. We go out, be social. We get high out of our minds and escape the world together. We drink until our vision is blurry and we can't even think straight enough to worry. And for that moment in time, I am free.. but then we come home, away from the people, the chaos.. back to the stillness.. and she's back, screaming again.
She and I are not the same. I appreciate life. The beauty, the lessons, the people. I find pleasure in watching the tree's dance when met with the wind. I love the smell of rain on a stormy day and the warmth of the sun hugging you when It comes back out. I enjoy experiencing new parts of the world and connecting with people on an intimate level. The sound of laughter and seeing someone’s face light up when they are happy. It is raw, It is real. I am in love with LIVING.
I am this bright soul haunted by such a dark presence that I cannot seem to get rid of. She is hanging on with everything she has, just as I am.. But at times I am not sure I can win this battle. She ruins me.