What are you looking for?
4 months ago · · Stress, · Explicit
My boyfriend tried initiating (weird word but idk what else to put) sex and I cried bc it was too overwhelming and I couldn't handle it. I feel worthless now because he's used to getting it whenever he wants and now that he's dating me he has to deal with my bs and I'm so annoying. I live for him and I can't let him get bored of me bc then I'll have nothing. We were in a car too and the car ride home was so fucking awkward and I was staring down at the floor like my life depended on it trying to not start crying again. I was so embarrassed. Im literally useless. I want to give him whatever he wants and I don't want to make him mad at me but I just couldn't stop myself from crying absolutely hysterically and then ofc that made him stop touching me and he looked at me all confused and worried and asked me what was wrong but I couldn't even stop crying long enough to take a breath so I couldn't answer. I think he can be a little emotionally oblivious sometimes but I think that's a guy thing idk. I didn't even know what was wrong so I couldn't tell him anyway. He hugged me and I started crying even harder. I'm not ace and he's also hot so I don't see the problem. It's not like I'm a virgin or something so idk what tf my issue is. I want him to touch me and want me and love me. I need him because he gives me attention that no one else has ever given me and I don't feel invisible when I'm around him like I do literally every other second of the day. Omggggg there is something so wrong with me wtffff do I even deserve love????? UGGGHH I don't even make sense rn I want to just relax and not feel so much I literally feel like im going crazy. I'm freaking out and I'm shaking now Idk what to do with myself. I need someone with me but I can't call him because I don't want to be annoying or clingy or overwhelm him with all my emotional baggage