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I can't help but sink deep into thoughts ever night. I have been my only company for the last 6 years. As the days go by I feel as if I slip deeper into this darkness. It's something that's hard to explain. I'm depressed of course. I have been for a while. Just saying I have depression does not even come close to justifying the things I've been through. What I've endured. I find it hard to fall asleep at night cause I just can't understand why I am the way I am. So lonely, so pathetic. All this time alone, it's all I know now. The second I'm in a social situation I just feel the same way, all by myself, in my own world. I casually interact with people at work and when I go out. However nothing ever becomes of it. It's weird I crave human connection, yet I prefer loneliness at this point. Or at least I prefer staying away from drama and the effort you need to put into social interaction. Everything you say especially in today's society you have to watch. You speak your own opinion and people will crucify you. You just have to pretend your someone else. Or pretend your someone with different beliefs. It's so much effort I just avoid It. I don't know how to come out of this darkness I'm in. I feel like I'm at a point of no return. My emotions are all negative. I can't remember the last time I felt content or even happy with my life. I feel like there is no one in the world who can truly understand me. I'm just a simple man, who wants a simple thing. Nobody deserves this. Not even the people who really wronged me in life. Being alone this long feels like an illnesses there is no cure for. You just keep feeling worse and worse every day.
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You should talk to a doctor about all of this and he/she will refer you to a psychiatrist or therapist, whichever is necessary.
To help you fall asleep: play relaxation music, then while breathing deeply slowly relax yourself all over. Then while listening to the music imagine that you are floating along a beautiful river on a raft. You are warm comfortable, and relaxed with not a worry in the world. The water is crystal clear and there is greenery along the banks. Keep floating along as you listen to the music and are relaxed.
ReplyContinued: when thoughts enter your mind push them away and keep floating along.
ReplyI understand what you feel , I go through this type of life everyday. The world full, but empty at the same time. People talk and converse about meaningless subjects, there is no substance or warmth. I get it and I understand. If you don’t mind me asking, What happen in your life that made you seek solitude? I became overwhelmed by social settings they started to drain me. People don’t handle problems like they use to, things never get resolved most people just pretend their problems aren’t real. This has effects on the body, I am a very sensitive person and can pick up on the emotions of those who surround me, without them ever saying a word. It’s more a curse than a gift and I couldn’t deal with the depression that being around others caused me so I started to seek places that had the least amount of people as possible. But the seclusion even though it was a choice for me, it was a consequence of society’s disregard to face issues. So I am curious are you similar to me in being able to read situations and people or was it something else?
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