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Last week was amazing, this week has sucked so far.
2 months ago · · spirituality, · Explicit
Last week was so amazing... it didn't feel real. I am trying to become more spiritual, such as getting crystals and manifestation and connecting with the universe. Things like that. So, last week, I tried manifestation for the first time. I had thoroughly researched it for weeks and finally thought it was a good time to try because I had been wishing for something for a while. I had liked this boy named Hudson for months it seems and I have never liked anyone more. (I won't get into this now, but it is weird because I have never liked someone like him before and it is crazy how much I think about him, considering I don't want to like him. I searched it up, and it seems he might have subconsciously put a love spell on me. I promise I researched this thoroughly and it's not just a "I can't move on" situation, it is way deeper than that.) However, I really wanted him to feel the same way for me, but I knew I couldn't manifest anything like that because it could mess with someone's free will. So I said affirmations and manifested that he would at least attract towards me (talk to me more and interact more). By the way, we are bestfriends, I was not doing any sort of manifestation process on some random hall crush or classmate. We are really close and many people says he likes me but I wanted to say affirmations and stuff first to really test it all out. I did the 55x5 manifestation method, so it lasted 5 days to do. I finished the process on a Friday and then after the weekend passed and I went back into school on Monday, it seemed everything changed for the better. It was CRAZY how much good things were happening to me. I felt truly happy and like I could depend on the universe. Here's some examples: *He started facetiming me every night for no apparent reason and just said he enjoyed talking to me (we usually never facetime.) *He was messaging me back INSTANLY after I messaged him. Whether we were in school or not. And he wasn't as dry anymore either. He was typing long, detailed responses. *He invited me to go camping with his family (which I have wanted to get invited to for so long now). *He would go out of his way to walk with me to my classes just to talk to me for as long as possible. *Would subtly flirt with me and be more kind than usual... And just so much more. It was crazy how sudden the change was and how AMAZING it felt. And at this point, I felt as if I didn't even really care if he had a crush on me or not anymore, I just wanted things to stay the way they were. I enjoyed how kind he was being to me. I'm not saying he's usually MEAN, but he was WAYYY more considerate and thoughtful and good at communication... it was crazy! But... it seems I got my hopes up too soon. So, that week passed, along with the weekend and yesterday, I came back to school expecting him to be the same as the previous week. But no, it seems as if he has converted BACK but maybe even a little WORSE. It is literally so horrible... *he isn't responding to me at ALL now and leaving me on open. *Isn't facetiming me at all (when I asked he basically bashed me down and said he only called me throughout last week because he didn't have his PlayStation and had nothing else better to do. And that he was bored out of his mind so now, I'm basically being annoying or whatever for wanting to talk meanwhile HE was the one who was calling me every night.) *Said I can't go to the camping trip with him and that he doesn't care if I'm upset about it... I don't know why but I feel like all the good progress from last week is piling up no me and burying me! I literally was enjoying myself and finally felt happy and I feel like such a moron for letting it get to my head. Basically, how dare I even have HOPES that things were getting better. I don't want to blame this on the universe in anyway, because I trust that I will eventually be put on the right path but I feel as if I was basically flipped off by the universe. Like: "Oh? You're enjoying yourself? Can't have that." And what is super weird is that Monday was the first day I started carrying my crystals in my backpack so I could carry them at all times. Anyways, I don't want to complain over some guy, but it's more the fact that I want people to respect me. Especially Hudson. He's one of my MANY friends that don't respect me. I just want to be treated nicely for once in my life. I try so so so hard to stay positive, but it seems like every time I try to be, this shit happens. I am trying to work on myself first, and love myself before loving others but that is really fucking hard. I really am trying my best though... For now, I wish for another week or even month where I can walk in the hallway and feel respected and SLIGHTLY cared about. Well, tomorrow's a new day, and I'm just wishing that things will get better and maybe go back to how I liked it...