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I'm best friends with my ex. I know I know it sounds weird but i'm happier now than I've ever been. Sometimes though I still get the feeling that I'm waiting for him to text or call, to tell me how beautiful and wonderful he thinks I am. Especially when I have low self esteem moments I rely on him so much, maybe because he's the person who knows me the most? He knows everything I hate about myself and he likes all of it, so I can't be so horribly flawed now can I?
So today I wanted that kind of comfort but I didn't get it from him. I guess he's busy, I don't know. Anyway I wish he would just call and tell me as he usually does "i feel lucky i met you and im probably an idiot for jeopardizing our relationship, you're wonderful". And he might call me eventually, and say all that. But moments like these make me realize I need to let him go. I dumped him but i still need him too much. I need that comfort, that support, that unconditional love. And i need it from him because only he knows me that well. But I hate to feel this vulnerable and I'll be damned if I let him know how I feel. Not gonna happen. I'm not gonna call and I shouldn't even answer if that's what I'm feeling tonight. It's not right and I need to learn to love all of me on my own. It's just so hard and not fun at all
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You are funny. You broke up with him but you still want support and love from that person? Dont you know how selfish that sounds? Hey I dont want you, but I dont want you to share your love with other people. Hey I dont want the responsibility of being in relationship but I want all the benefit! Oh its confusing for you because I want to be loved by you but dont want to be partners? Too bad :)! Its not him you want. Its the attention you want. You are lonely. You want to feel special. Dont you notice how this post is ALL about you? Not even little bit of “I care about him.” Its about how YOU want to be cared. Thats not love. You are love deprived. Please have a clean relationship. If you want whats in the relationship, be in relationship. Its not right for you to use him then go “I hate feeling vulnerable.”
ReplyIm sorry i probably should have explained what our relationship was like. I tried so hard to love and support him for two years and he would disappear for days doing drugs and chasing other girls while I would be wondering if he was alive, having horrible panic attacks. He was also an alcoholic and extremely jealous and aggressive towards other men I absolutely didn't care about. Beside our terrible relationship, we had the most beautiful friendship and i think that's what kept us together for so long, we had so much fun. It was all ups and downs but it all got better when I finally had the courage to break it off, now we never fight and we adore each other and OF COURSE I always support him and love him. I spend hours on the phone with him everyday when he's anxious or he's trying to figure out his life. I spent a week at his place shortly after our breakup because he was sick and needed someone to help him out. I'm sorry if it wasn't clear in my head it's obvious how much I care for him and all the history that we have so I should have pointed it out here as well. I just need my love and support to be reciprocated but I wish it wasn't a need but more of a wish, it just makes me feel like I haven't moved on from our relationship, where I was not respected at all, and most of all from our codependency
ReplyAlso yes it was all about me because for 2 years I've been completely absorbed by how he felt and where he was and if he loved me enough not to cheat on me so yes I'm trying to focus on myself and I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I've given him all I had and trust me if anything I need to be more selfish, it would have spared me a lot of trouble and pain :)
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