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The world is too complicated for me, even the simplest tasks stress me to no end. At 21 I have achieved nothing and I feel like I am too old to have a chance at improving my situation. No one is going to hire me at this point. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to go back to university despite dropping out and, after a year of waiting, I finally got into the major I picked. I wasn't happy when I heard the news because I knew that I was going to fail again. The people in this major are super motivated and social while I am the exact opposite of that: a loner with zero social skills. I'm so stupid for believing that I even had a chance. University is starting in two weeks and I am still looking for a flat, dreading to leave home again. No one can help me because the problem is me, I am stupid and useless. I'm incapable of living, I wish I was dead. The only thing preventing my suicide is my family, but even they are slowly realising that something is wrong with me. I don't deserve to live. Someone, please kill me.
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21 is a baby of adulthood! Welcome! But anyway You are wayyyy easily persuaded. Thats no good! If you dont do well in tests, go “fuck! I need to focus more. Obviously I havent mastered this- why did I thought I understood this concept when I didnt? Lol!” Its good to be optimistic- try not to base things as failure or passing. It is about process. And IF you like being alone, antisocial (i am! And im proud.) go “Man, all these people are motivated! Im happy for them. I know they will do great regardless whether they are overly motivated or not. They really want this to work! Good for them :)” The thing is, life isnt a competition and i see that you are viewing it like that. You are just temporarily sharing a space with them. Focus on your plate of food instead of spending time focusing on other’s.
ReplyThere is nothing wrong with starting college later in life. I was 34 when I enrolled and now have a masters in psychology. The world makes us believe that age is important and should dictate what we should allow ourselves to participate in. Maybe your just not ready yet to take such a huge step and commit to the responsibility of college. It is a decision that sometimes is forced on us, and it’s best to do something when we ourself are ready, if your doing something to please someone else than your efforts will be in vain. I wish you the best in your decision because your never to old to accomplish anything you dream of accomplishing.
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