What are you looking for?
3 months ago · · sad,
So, everything has been fine lately. Been working out. Looking forward to my job interview coming up this weekend. Been in a healthier state of mind. All that jazz. Something that just happened this evening has been... bothering me, though.
I decide to pause on the story that I'm writing and go fix something for dinner. I see my best friend and one of our roommates going out the front door. They both have skateboards in their arms. I thought to myself, "Maybe I can join them. I have a board. This could be fun." So, I ask if I could come along. Best friend says, "Well, (roommate) is teaching me how.", and walks out the door.
On any normal day, I would just brush it off and hope that they have fun doing whatever they're doing. This interaction felt... different to say the least. I felt distant. Excluded. Like I was drifting away slowly while I saw them laughing and having a good time going around on their skateboards. I wondered to myself for a moment if I had been too much of a bother lately. I had been waking my friend up at 6:45 am every day so she could take me to work for 7 am since I am unable to afford a car at the moment. She always seems agitated in the mornings, and just tells me that she's just not a morning person. I actually got to go to the grocery store for the first time in a while last night. I had asked to come along with them, and my friend just nodded. She told me not to follow her and our roommate around, so I went and got a small handful of things at my own leisure. When I went to go pay for my things, they had already went and gotten in the car. I brushed it off as just me taking too long to shop. We stopped in the parking lot as we were about to leave. I had noticed that they were trying to do a raid battle in Pokemon Go. I wanted to try and do what they were doing and relate to their situation, so I opened up Pokemon Go on my phone as well. I didn't have any raid passes, so I went to catch some Pokemon. It wasn't even a moment before we were on the highway. I think I caught one or two, but I also ran out of Pokeballs.
We get home and I neatly put my things away for the evening. I decide to read a bit of the book that I'm working on, and remembered that I had completely forgotten to eat all day. I decide to go into the kitchen, and set my phone on the table so I can maybe play Pokemon Go with them again. I grab a mug from the cabinet and fill it with water. After going back to the table, I find a barely touched bowl of cheese and broccoli rice right beside my mug. It looks to have been discarded. I ask who it belongs to, and my roommate says, "You can have it." I take the bowl into my room and set it on my computer table and come back. Everyone is still at the table. I try to conversate with them, but it's been getting more difficult to talk to my friend and our roommate lately. Our interactions have been very short recently.
I don't ask for much from my friend. She just takes me to work and brings me home each day. I've noticed that she and our roommate either leave the house to go do something in town, or are in their rooms all day and not coming out until nightfall. Everyone leaves the house a mess with their belongings everywhere and don't even do the dishes. I'm always the one picking up after everyone. Even so, my friend still wants gas money for work transport. I keep the house clean, and never ask to be brought anywhere. The only times I do is when my friend is going to the store and that I've been waiting a while to buy groceries. My friend is nice to me, though. She got me a birthday present months early. She doesn't talk badly to me either. Even so, I sometimes wonder if we're growing more distant. I'm just worried. I don't want to lose one of my lifelong friends.