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1 year ago · · No friends,
I hate myself for being jealous. I'm an introvert, and antisocial. And I hate myself for that. So, I joined a new school for my higher secondary and I didn't have any friends. One day I started talking to a girl and I felt good. We became close but not exactly that close. So one day, when we were talking, she told me about her best friend. It was a guy. And I was jealous. I have never had any friends in my life, let alone a guy friend. And I hate that I am jealous of her. I wanted to be friends with someone. Not just friends, but best friends. A friend who'll always be there for me. A friend who'll always have me as their first option. I've never had a friend like that and I'm afraid that I never will. I have another girl in my class. She has a best friend who is in another section. But during recess, she talks with her. This girl in my class sits with me during the class. But during recess she totally ignores me. I feel so lonely. I feel like I do not have anyone in this world. And I'm afraid that I'll never have be able to have a friend. And this thought is killing me.
There is this deep hollow hole filled with fear inside me that never goes away. I'm always in a state of anxiety and fear of being left alone. As much as I want to make friends and socialize with others, I just can't. I just don't understand how people make friends so easily and socialize so easily. Maybe I'm the only one who is not fit to live in this world. Maybe I'm just a loser.