It doesn't get any easier

I've been battling bipolar since highschool and it doesn't get any easier. It's very hard, battling myself and my mind from time to time. Life doesn't get any easier. I'm battling everything in life. I don't have safe place anywhere, everyone's hands are at my throat. They're always after me, creating their sinister scenario at everything I do. Like when you tell them you just got raped and then in reply they say it's because you seduced the rapist even though they don't know anything about the situation. I hate life. I hate life. I don't like these people. The other day gramps visited me, I haven't visited him since the pandemic started, not even on important holidays. But all he said to me when he visited me was telling me to watch my health, he wasn't angry or disappointed, he supported my motive and was being understanding in what I do. I got tears in my eyes, he's the only one who does that to me no matter how weird or unusual I might seem in another people's eyes because they don't know what I'm going through. He's the only one that doesn't doubt me and doesn't hold grudges. I want to visit him, I wish I could buy him a gift.