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I feel like I'm fooling everyone around me. I've managed to fool every single person and made them believe that I am someone I am not.
Me myself don't know who I really am. What do I like? What do I enjoy? What do I want?
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
I just don't know anything.
And I fool everyone into thinking that I am, indeed, a normal human being.
The thing is, I don't know. I don't know who I am. WHAT I am.
Is it normal? Feeling lost all the time. Not knowing which step to take. I can't decide. I can't seem to care enough about any of the options. Or maybe I care too much about taking the wrong one. When I don't even know what is supposed to mean "wrong".
I am scared. Of me. Of life.
I don't want to live. I've been thinking about this a lot. But I also don't want to die, that's the thing. I just, need the world to stop, I guess. Even if sometimes I feel like eating the world like I am the owner of the world... I think I really need it to stop.
Most of the time I don't even know what I am feeling. It is just too much, and then, too little. Almost as if I wasn't alive. I feel completely empty and I wonder if I have become a rock.
Times flies but at the same time days can't be longer.
I feel like a prisoner.
I fool everyone.
I don't know.
Help.
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It sounds as if you need to get in touch with yourself and your emotions/needs/likes/dislikes. It sounds as if you feel the need to perform for others. I recommend www.coda.org as a starting place. Good luck.
ReplyNeither I understand life
ReplyFirst of all. Great job in holding on. It may sound dull but I mean it. Achievements don't always have to have goals or conclusions. The fact that you are still here, living, is an inspiring thing in itself.
And well, you are so right... It's never easy to know things about oneself or be self-aware. But, it's different for you. Because most of us know some of our likes and dislikes to an extent. And you don't know that, right?
Have you ever genuinely smiled in your life? Or have you ever done something and you had fun doing it? Maybe, drawing, or listening to music or playing badminton or any game, even the online ones? And you were like, 'that was nice' after you were done doing it? Something you do to pass your time which doesn't make you bored?
It's perfectly fine if you can't seem to come up with an answer to anything. We don't want answers at this very moment. Just think about it calmly. It may seem stupid since you have been trying to stay calm for the longest time but we need to do this...for you. As soon as you come up with a single answer, we are good to go. Anything we come to know about ourselves is a very good step aheadd
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