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I love my mom but I feel she sometimes due too much. Like my mom says that privacy should not exist between parents and their kids. She is also not letting me move out until I'm married, and once I'm married I have to live near her (like same neighborhood) that's as far as she will go. She even wanted for her to live with me in my house. I just smile and agree with her but in reality I do not. Every time she says that it just make me want to run away and move away. She says she doesn't care if my career or job needs me to move for my future. She just wants me to stay with her. She said if it really needs me to move that she is moving with me. Like no offense to her she's done so much for me but she needs to understand that kids no longer live with their parents. I mean she's also under control of my grandma who lives in a whole other country and they call daily for about 5 hours. I do not want to do that though. When Im 18/19 I want to move out and live in my own apartment. And like call once a day for a checkup not 5+ hours A DAY. I don't want to continue living with her. I know it will be hard on her and I feel selfish about it but I just can't. I also hate how she says I have no reason to cry when I do and that I will be punished if I cry over materialistic things. The other day I was crying over my grades and she told me to stop crying and that the only reason to cry is if I'm sick or someone dies. And she also got mad at me when I told her I wanted to sleep by myself a month or two ago because she would sleep with me every night since my dad left. I'm no longer a child I want privacy but she doesn't understand that. She says that "I don't love her anymore" since I told her that and she brings up every time.
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Speaking as someone who loves their mom too... but also knows when their mom is speaking a load of crap...
I would say that honestly, you're doing the best you can for right now. It sounds to me like your mom's going through some pain since your dad left: abandonment, loneliness, stuff like that. And, taking it out on you. Not in a malicious way, but in a way that IS inconsiderate entirely of your needs, RATHER selfish and projecting onto you, and just not seeing you, no matter what you say to her about what's true for YOU.
At least from my experience with my own mom, I've come to understand that because she's quite in her own head right now, she's not open to hearing what I actually want for myself... and frankly, she's not even empathetic at this time even in a NORMAL-FOR-MOST-PEOPLE way. Case in point, one of my dear friends just took their own life. I found this out three days ago now from another friend, and in tears... telling my mom this, the first thing she told me is basically, "I hope you'll get over it soon", and the very next day, rather than asking me how I feel over LOSING MY FRIEND TO EFFING SUICIDE, asks me if I'm considering something that 'makes money by her standards' instead of having ANY support for my actual career. Since... my mom has her own painful problems--- addiction to gambling being one of them.
I couldn't really say much to her except to shortly answer her question about whether or not I am hearing from connections about the job she wants me to do. Knowing how effed up it is, I then POINTED OUT TO HER that I am sad about my friend... you know.... dying. Which, it didn't even seem to hit her... she was like, "Oh, yeah, I'm sorry about that... I told my friend today you were taking it in stride..." Complete cognitive disconnect, as if it is somehow entirely normal to just not prioritize that.
I am not in a position myself where I can move out at this time. Out of care for my mom, who has poor health, I'm choosing to tolerate her crap that I KNOW is pure crap, to push forward with what I'm choosing to do for her health.
Regarding your mom, I think the best you can do is continue to say what you are saying to her... since it doesn't sound like she's open to listening to anything else right now, and the best you can do for YOURSELF is to seek other people you can talk to, probably outside of your family, who are ultimately connected to what you'll need to get to live away from your home. (e.g. college advisors, school counselors.)
They may be able to give you advice, too, about how to talk to your mom when you're moving on your own; perhaps how to get OTHER people to talk to her, maybe about her own problems. After all, it's NOT on you to be what sounds like your mom's emotional comfort blanket while she's blocking her OWN emotions. That's unhealthy against you. (Telling you it's not okay to cry, and shaming you for not wanting to sleep with her.)
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