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I am literally up typing this at 1:24 am and I guess I'm gonna write about how I fucking feel because why not. I lowkey wanna die. I love living but I have so many bad days. All I want to do is cry and not do anything. I'm a teenager and have school and I'm up typing how I feel instead of sleeping. I Like this guy and I'm a guy as well but I'm pretty sure he is straight. But all my friends say he flirts with me, but I don't even know what flirting is or know if someone is doing it. I mean he only talks to me in 3rd period and a little bit in 5th, but other than that he doesn't know who I am. Its like he is scared of what people would think if he said hi to me. But I like this other guy and he is so cute but he is straight as well. But both these guys are always looking at me or say hi to me in the classes I have with them. I want to tell the first guy that I like him because he is always being weird with me. What I mean by weird is that in 3rd period he's always tapping on my shoulder just to say hi or to talk. And he asked if I would kiss him, or date him. Like he knows I'm gay. And in class we had to do a group assignment and me and my friend were gonna work together, but we needed to be a group of 4, and he automatically said that he was gonna be in my group so he can work with me. And when we were doing it he kept saying I was stupid and it was kinda cute. And he sat by me in the assignment and on the second day of working on it, he asked why he was so close to me so I moved his chair away from mine and was like there ya go, and he said he didn't mind it and wanted to be by me and sit by me. And he calls me Germaphobe because I told him that I was a germaphobe because I didn't dab him up. I mean he knows my name but and its cute. And this other guy that I like is a year older than me. And he has the cutest smile and laugh ever. On Thursday and Friday last week he came up to me with his friends, and his friends tried to dab me up but I didn't but when he asked for it I dabbed him up and he smiled at me and his hands were so warm and I felt like I was in Heaven. And I don't know what to do because I never really liked someone in my whole ass life. Also, I've been burning myself because my mom stresses me out, and so does the rest of my family. I have a terrible relationship with my mom, and she doesn't even trust me so and I don't trust her. I feel like she can be a snake sometimes and be a bit of a bitch. I mean I love her, but the things she says about people is like really rude. I mean she calls me, her own son a fat ass and tells me to stop eating and to stop being lazy or else I'm not gonna be successful, even though I have my life together more then she does. I mean she's in nursing school again for like the 4th time. At least when I leave high school, I'm gonna already have my life in order. Plus I'm in a fire fighting class and if I stay in it, I will basically have a job as soon as I get out of high school. And she yells at me when I get a C on a test or quiz, but when my other brothers get a D or F in a CLASS, they just get told to try their best and to try and bring the grade up. Like I get one C on a test and it's the end of the world. Or her new husband gets himself and my two brothers things all the time, and when I ask for a pair of pants that look halfway decent on me, I'm a spoiled brat. Like he bought my older brother and little brother RC Cars and they each cost from like 600-2,000$ each. And I get pants that are 15$ and it's the end of the world. Or if I want 2$ to buy a snack I get called over weight, but when my little brother ask for McDonalds or Chick-Fil-A, he gets it. I mean he is 11 and is overweight. I mean way more than I am. He is really fat for his age, and I am fat for my age, but not as bad as him. But I find it dumb how I get treated so differently for no reason. And I came out to most of my family as bisexual, but I'm gay, but since I told some of them, now they talk shit about the LGBTQ+. Like if I were to stay a closeted gay teen my life would be better. My mom says she supports me, but will make comments about gay people and shit. And so does her husband. But my dad is worse. He honestly hates the gays. He hates everything. I mean my little brother is a mini him. Talks shit about everyone and everything. And my dads girlfriend is amazing. My dad was mad at me for having a mini backpack, and was saying that it's a purse and she overheard him , and as soon as he left to get gas she came and talked to me about and said she's always here for me. I could've cried, but I don't cry in front of people. And I also have my cousin and grandma as well. I mean my cousin is gay and said if I'm going through anything, to call him. So he is pretty great. And my grandma is the same way. She is very supportive of me and she is just amazing. And my Nina. I don't talk to her that much anymore, but she is still amazing. I do plan on going to her house again in the winter, and to my other grandparents house. But that is basically what's going on in my life. If you read this I hope you have/had a good day.
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I don't know how someone telling you that you are stupid is cute. It sounds insulting. I hope he stops this. It is good that you have relatives on your side and you should talk to your parents about being treated worse than your brother. I wish you all the best.
ReplyI didn't mean he calls me stupid in a rude way. I meant it in more of a joking around way. So I hope he doesn't stop because its cute because he is messing with me.
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