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I hate my fucking body, just looking at it makes me disguisted. I hate the arm fat, the back fat, the belly fat, i hate my tighs that are so fucking big and i hate them, i hate my belly, i hate every single thing about me and my body. It's awful, i look at all those perfect girls at school with their perfect body, perfect smile, wonderful boyfriend and I just wish i could be like them, feel confident in my own skin, look in the mirror and like waht i see, being skinny like them, have a good life like them with friends and a happy fucking family. I just want to feel like i belong and have friends and and and...
I just my self so fucking much, and I don't even have someone i can talk about this, because my mom does not understand how hard it is for me, she does not understand that i can't erase the negative thoughts with a snap of fingers, and i don't even have friends. I feel so fucking alone, and i just want to cry and die but i don't wanna die, i just want to disapier and never come back, i want someone to understand me. Even in PE class, all of them can do all the suff and have great grades at it and can't, i just wanted to be able to, for example, play volleyball well or handball or do gymnastics. But i can't because of my body and i just know my classmates, especially the boys, talk shit about me and how cant do shit and dont know how to play or how maybe just the way i am annoys them.
The thing is, i am not that fat, i'm more thick than fat, but i fucking HATE IT.
I just wanted to be happy for once, but adolescence come to ruin everything and so did the insecurities and all the beauty and fucking society standarts.
I hate my self and i wish i could love my self, but i can't.
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Hey, I know how you feel. I spent years hating my body and my life (still somewhat going through that unfortunately). I totally understand where you are coming from. I used to struggle even going outside because I hated my body so much and I didn’t want anyone to see it. I had no one to talk to either because I was ashamed (and I also had no friends).
But I want you to know that talking to yourself like that WILL NOT make it better. It will only get worse and I know from experience. None of those girls at your school are perfect like you describe. They all have personal flaws that they hate and they probably nit pick at it just like everyone else. Society has made it so that everyone hates the body that they are in. We all want this idea of perfection but tbh I don’t even know what that is. The perfect body is unrealistic and subjective anyways.
Please start treating yourself with love. It took me a long time but I’m starting to like what I see in the mirror. Tell yourself that you are beautiful even if you don’t believe it yet. Tell yourself your body is beautiful. Build your confidence. Make yourself feel good about yourself and everything will fall into place. The negative thoughts won’t go away immediately but you have to target them. Everytime you talk bad about yourself replace it with something positive. Trust me. It works with time.
Also, don’t listen to those who talk shit about you. Their opinion of you doesn’t matter and it never will.
You got this! And you are definitely not alone.
ReplyGIRL !!! you are describing me !
I can relate to every single thing you wrote !
I am 17 years old .. I have one ''best friend'' (and I know she is fake .. I am with her because I don't want to be alone )
I am the quiet girl .. I never talk in class I just talk with my ''best friend'' and I don't talk to her about my problems or how I feel ( I have trust issuse ..and I know she is fake so I tell her nothing)
I help her with everything , she is literally the person that I want to be
perfect body , have a boyfriend , social personality etc.
I am kind and I help alot of people , plus I don't say just no to someone who asked for something .. I try to tell them in a nice way so they don't get hurt .. I remember 4 years ago when a boy in my class sent me a message on intsagram telling me that he loved me , I did not love him , I did not know what to say ( I was 13 at the time) and I told him are you joking ? (I did not believe that someone will even look at me , because I don't want to look at myself) .. then I sent him saying that I am very sorry and I did not love him back (I said it in a nice way ) ..he then responded saying '' this was a bet .. sorry ''
I did not love him .. but I felt happy deep inside that maybe someone on earth loved me ?
But no .. what should I expect ?
I sent him not to play with others feelings and that this was not okay !
(I know it is a bad response for someone like him..he is the one that unlocked a new fear for me ..
IF someone said that he loved me in the future .. how can I beleve him ? what if it was a bet again ?''
that is why i hate being kind .. so that people don't think that I am stupid
I know that I look cold-hearted from the outside
(even my mom told me once that I have a heart full of hate , because I did not fake my smile for one day..it hurts right ? from your own mother .. I cry infront of no one ..not even infront of the mirror .. I cry but I show no one .. but even if I did ..nobody cares ..I never really had a family .. I do ..but they just don't understand me and they don't even bother to)
2 months ago I told my self to start water fast (and this is after a lot of failing diets )
everyday I said tomorrow .. and here we are..I am starting tomorrow
but fr this time .
I hate being that fucking quiet girl that everyone talk shit about , I am smart , but only if I try
I know that , but I have 0 motivation to start at all!
I don't participate in gym/sport class .. the girls and the boys play at the same classroom
and i just can't wear sport clothes ... I just feel uncomfortable..
last week our female sport teacher came to me while I am not playing because I told her that
''I forgot my clothes (gym clothes ) at home'' ..(ofc I was lying .. I just don't want to change'')
she came to me and told me that she knows that I don't like sport and it is okay if I don't play ..but I have to write an essay instead .
I told her ''okay''.
but it broke my heart..I don't hate sport..I love it .. but I never did it because I hate my body !!
I am not that fat ..but I am not skinny ..
I don't like to play sport .. if I did it is very awkward when I jump or for my back to show or anything.
I truly understand every single word you said ..but I am sorry .. I don't have any good words to tell you .. I can't talk about motivation ... I DO give a lot of people a nice and lovely talk about self love .. but I can't fake it anymore .. I can't fake happiness any more ..I can't take it ..
I just give ..but I am lost deep inside .. nobody listen or understand me .. I am lost ..
I am sorry
{also english is my third language .. sorry if there was any mistakes}
ReplyI’m very skinny, i have no woman proportions and I very much envy thicker people. I admire their curves. I wish you could see what I see in people like you. Try to smile and be confident. Because you deserve to be praised. I truly believe you are beautiful. And you should too. Get rid of toxic people - they’re not worth it. And be yourself. If someone tries to tell shit about you-don’t get sad just tell them they’re jealous of this ass and twerk in front of their stupid faces. Love yourself (it’s a tough process I know❤️)
Replyhey love i understan this feeling but please i bet if i met you i would be jelous i bet you are drop dead gorgues and i know that feeling when you hate your body i feel the same way and i have done everything to make it go away but i was still sad so these perfect girls you are ralking may not be as perfect as they seem they might be increcure or have personal issues they are dealing with aswell. im sorrry that might have not helped im not good at this i just want you to know you are perfect just they way you are darling:)
ReplyI completely understand how you feel. I feel the same exact way. But just remember, it’s YOUR body. There’s nothing you can do. You cant change it. It’s yours. You have to live this thing we call life with it. So embrace it, love your self. It’s very f**king hard I know but please, you can’t hate yourself because you think you don’t look good. You’re beautiful. Your soul is whats more important. There will be billions of people that will love your body and love you for you. Follow positive influencers on social media. Follow girls that look like u. Watch them embrace their body irrespective of what society says. And follow in their footsteps. You’re so beautiful please never forget
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