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This isn't even a cry for help anymore. I've long since given up on that. I really don't know why I am writing this to be honest. It won't be seen by anybody. I mean really seen. No one will carry this with them for longer than a day. I guess maybe, I hope it will be finally discovered against all odds that even I myself have given up on. Wouldn't that be nice. I've probably thought that to myself at least several times a day, every day. When I was younger and whatever this curse, negative energy, of living hell that's plagued my existence was weaker I used to think things would eventually get better. That I was being dramatic, depressed. Now I know I am quite literally alone. Whatever happened to me is real. To put it plainly I don't exist. Not to anyone on this earth. Sure I can walk up to anyone and strike up a conversation. Within a day's time at the most I'm gone from their memory completely. It gets worse the more I interact with the same person. My close family seemed to be the least affected at first, but now my own mother called the cops upon seeing me enter her house last year. I stopped seeing her because I don’t want the worst part of this thing to happen to her. My sister hasn't called in several years. I've decided that I'm done. I can't take it anymore. Maybe that's why I'm writing this after all. Some kind of statue in the sand. Look upon my work ye mighty and despair. Couldn't leave without saying goodbye or something like that.
Ah yes, you're right. How could I leave without telling you all about the final nail in my coffin. It's not like I have anything to lose anyways. I guess I'm just running away from the pain of it. Pain being about the only thing that remembers me.
Anyways I'll get on with it. I met a girl several months ago. Saw me crying and she thought she should say something. I mean it was in the middle of a playground full of children. They didn't even see me anymore at all, I was completely invisible to them. That's what happens eventually. So I used to go there often when I was feeling really depressed. Laughing people, carefree chatter. Helped me drown out that feeling of non-existence. I don't know, that day it kind of just hit me and I couldn't control myself I guess. I'm bawling my eyes out and this woman comes up and says hello. Asks me if I need help and that I should probably leave the park before someone calls the cops. I get myself under control and flat out tell her what's been happening to me. It's not like she'll care in a little while anyhow. She doesn't believe me at first as usual but I show her that I can go over and scream in one of the kid's face, neither they nor their parents react at all. A kid runs right into me, gets up and continues like nothing happened. She freaks out and after a few more tests comes to believe me. We sit and talk for a little, she tries to make me feel normal. I love her for that.
Eventually through all our conversation it starts to get dark and we say our goodbyes. We both know I'll never see her again and that was where I wanted to leave it. As she started to leave she turned back towards me and asked for my number. I ask why and she says "what's the harm” good point, I give it to her. Almost wish I would have thought about it a little more. Almost. So I leave and expect to never see her again but the impossible happens, I get a call the next morning asking if she was supposed to forget me yet. We give it another day. She calls again. This goes on until we decide on a date. I haven't really done that in a while obviously so I'm nervous and for once in many years, optimistic. It goes well, we mess around with the curse a bit more and go out to eat. I can't remember the last time I felt that much genuine happiness. I know better though and I'm waiting for her to forget me. Day after day however she continues to defy it. She could really be the yin to my yang. I officially asked her to be my girlfriend the second month in, she said yes. Ok that was the happiest I've ever been. We made things work, since she was normal she handled the social living side. I handled anything else I could. Maybe that's enough, maybe some people only get so much happiness in their life and when it's done it's done. That's it. Be thankful.
I left town to check on my mom. Was gone for a couple days. The last day before heading back I didn't receive a call from her. When I finally found her she was drinking coffee at her favorite café. I could only just manage to sit near her. Maybe it was the tears on my face that caught her attention but she walked up and asked if everything was ok, if I needed help. It still burns to write that. I hope you appreciate it.
That's why I'm done. I’m thankful.
I won't be seeing any of you any time later so,
If you can read and remember this, think about me a little.
Thanks.
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