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Missing you and the times we had
3 months ago · · Love,
I don't know why I still have these feelings for you. I just miss you so much and it is a bit hurtful knowing you don't feel the same anymore... You don't reciprocate these feelings I still have for you...
I miss so many things. I don't just miss you for being you, I miss the time we spent together and the way you made me feel. I miss seeing you most days of the week. I miss when you complimented me, saying I was kind, smart and pretty. I miss your funny sarcastic statements. I miss when I laughed at your jokes. I miss smiling at you when you also smiled at me.
You know, this sounds a bit surprising but I actually sometimes got excited to go to school because of you. I wanted to see you and be able to talk to you more. This is part of the reason why I miss when we occasionally talked.
There are also so many things I miss... I miss doing friendly competitions with you and feeling great when you said I was amazing and smart. I miss sitting next to you in class when we were surprisingly put next to each other in our assigned seats (in two different classes somehow). I miss seeing you turn away when I caught you looking at me.
I miss all of the nice things you said to me. You really made me feel great and cared for. I felt like you wanted the best for me and wanted to see me happy and smiling. I actually felt like someone wanted to put an effort into knowing me and giving me attention. I was also glad when you said that I was one of the few people that you felt closer to and was a friend (except we were a bit more than just friends). It made me happy that you liked me being around and thought I was a good person.
To me, you were someone important. Someone that I felt close to, even though we didn't actually talk like A LOT. But when we did talk, I liked it. Of course I liked hearing random things that you had to say. I also liked when we had deeper conversations. Getting to know little things about you that not many people probably knew about was special. I like how you opened up about some things. Those little secrets were/are special to me. They weren't like your deepest darkest secrets, but they felt relatively personal. I am glad that you chose to tell me those things.
Now, the thing is, the time where we both liked each other didn't last a very long time. I guess compared to some other people it was, but I wish it lasted longer...
Why did it have to be you that had lost feelings first? Now I am left with still having feelings for you after about a year since you stopped liking me. I know I am not over reacting... because these are just my honest feelings.
I guess I didn't realise a while ago, when it was all good, just how much you meant to me. The statement that says something about how 'you don't realise how good something is until you no longer have it'. I don't know the exact statement, but I understand now.
You weren't just a 'crush' or someone that I liked. You were someone extra special to me. You must have been something significant to me for me to have such an attachment to you. Sometimes I think it might be because I felt lonely and constantly wanted to be reminded that I am cared for and that i am a good person. I know that sounds a bit selfish and that I am fishing for compliments... but trust me... it isn't like that.
I guess that I like how you made me feel precious. I miss it so much. Knowing that you never wanted to see me cry or that you didn't want to give me up... was absolutely great. To be honest, sometimes I look back on what you have sent me from back then, and I smile at those kind words. I feel liked again. It is sad though when I am reminded of the fact that sometime you lost feelings...
I have honestly tried to get over you. I thought I got over you as well. But I was just trying to forget. Pushing me feelings down. I know now, and for a little while, that I still like you.
I didn't ever get that much attention from people at school or in general. I was/am one of those quiet girls who don't talk a lot... but you actually you said that you liked me just the way I was. You never forced me to try to talk more and interact with everyone unlike how other people have tried to make me. I am grateful again for you.
Again, I still have so much more to say about missing you and the things I experienced when we both liked each other... I want you to start liking me again but I know I can't force it. I will just remember my feelings and not push them away. I will make sure they remind me of you. (But why does it sound like you're actually gone with the way I'm writing? Idk. I definitely don't want you to).
Anyway, this is me explaining more of my feeling I have for you. I know I should have reminded you more...
I still miss you...