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before I start writing this, can I just say adele's music is the most healing thing on earth.
anywayssss, as much as I love my independence, it's gotten too far to the point where I literally have no friends. It's the silence at night that hits the most but for anyone who has never had any friends in their life at one point, please tell me how you survive. It's come to a point where I know I have all this time in the world to be alone but I also didn't ask for this at all. I've tried talking to people online but they end up being such a nut case or just can't seem to sit at ease with me that I usually have to leave them.
For as long as I can remember, having friends never came easy to me. I always tried my best to give everything to people but I always had to a)run away or b) they'd leave me. It feels like I've done something completely wrong all my life to never have anyone truly be there for me or care for me now.
I have spoken to so so many people in my life from my past to see if they'd be any reconnection, but I figured til now that I always ended up being the one putting in the effort and as a result I now know that once I did nothing, I simply got nothing. Not a single message, not a single call, not a single response from anyone.
I am still learning everyday to be at ease with being okay with being alone. But to be honest it's just so hard not having a single person to talk to or interact with. It feels like I shouldn't being trying so hard anymore because it hurts to hear/not hear what people have to say. Let me know if you have gone through anything similar or any advice?
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I'm totally in the same situation as you. I've never really had any friends at least it's what I think. Every time I try to get close to someone, it just results in a heartbreak or a misunderstanding that's never been cleared. Now too I have a friend who tries to talk with me, interact with me. But I don't let my guard down because I'm afraid that I might get hurt once again. It's just so hard. Friendship feels like a chore. It's a commitment. And I hate commitments. I've never had a friend who'll be there for me no matter what. Who'll never misunderstand my intentions. Who'll never ask for any commitment. Who'll always have me as their first option. Till now, I've never had anyone like that. I don't know if the fault is with me or the people who try to become friends with me. I don't know if I don't try hard to make friends. But the truth is I don't want to try hard to make friends. I mean, making friends should never be a job. It's something natural. And I'm afraid I'll never get a friend.
ReplyYou wouldn't believe this brought me tears and i swear it's happy tears haha. I literally thought I was so alone in this and every word you said hit me so hard. Especially commiting to someone just seems like absolute nightmare because in the end you always feel like you're going to be hurt. And the fact you said at the end that it shouldn't be a job is so so so true i swear. Let me know if you want to talk a bit, cause I swear I have never heard someone sound so relatable lol.
ReplyI am alone also. Don't get me wrong, I have like 4 friends but they don't ever keep in touch with me unless they are thinking about me. I completely understand how you are feeling. I am alone all the time and even on my off days from work. I'm not sure how old you are but for me, I'm in my 20's and I occupy the loneliness by just spending time with family when I can, having friends reach out to me, working (which has me occupy it alot), and going on solo road trips on my off days when I am able to. This is how I occupy me by less feeling alone. I'm not in a relationship at all and it's been a year and 3 months since my last relationship. I feel like overtime I got used to it but there are days where it sucks and you feel lonely so badly. Just be yourself and live your life on your own. It's better to be alone than to be with people that don't treat you right or don't have constant communication.
ReplyI am about to turn 20 soon and I would have to say the same about having to latch onto family and work as a way I guess to 'escape' from the loneliness. A lot of the time I'm usually not caught up so badly in my thoughts but here and there it creeps up on you sometimes. After trying so hard to make things work with people, I figured it's something I shouldn't be forcing upon people and I should just focus on myself and what I can control. I hope you find the people who are meant to be in your life or hopefully they will come into yours. <3
ReplyI feel so alone too, kind of like you. I only have one friend at the moment but I feel like we may be getting distant. It really sucks because I can't talk to people, I always wait for them to talk to me first. I noticed with the few friendships I did have, it came natural. All the friends I made in class was natural, I didn't have to force a connection. Tbh I dont even consider my classmates friends because we only talk inside school. But maybe being alone isn't all bad. Its bad for me now and prob u too. But for me, every person I talked to in the past isn't even in my life anymore. People come and go but you stay with yourself forever. I feel like I NEED a best friend. I'm just scared of losing them. Like you, I'm trying to be more comfrotable being alone but it rlly sucks when I see other people having a lot of friends. But the universe puts people in your life for a reason. If you don't have many friends that's prob for a reason. Even when I had a few more friends I felt even more alone... Like I saw my friend group connecting w each other and then theres me :/
ReplyI definitely saw signs of maybe why I didn't have people I guess 'stay' in my life. Sometimes it was me who chose to move on, and sometimes it was the other person. At work most days I see people laughing with their friends and all and it kinda hits you a little bit of how you wish you could have what they have. But slowly I'm coming to realise that maybe everything has a certain time and place and I figured that I needed to love myself before putting someone else in front of me, which I did for a long time. I hope you find the people that give you the uttermost love in the world, you deserve to be loved <3
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