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Hey. Anyone else ever felt the need to scream silently into the void?
This is a first but even the thought of doing this somehow calms me down.
On an apparent level, I’m perfectly functional. I’m a doctor who’s living by herself, skinny and fair, with enough money, a family that loves me , independence, a steady job and a beautiful cat.
But I’m still unsatisfied because love just eludes me.
A part of me is so …jaded. Like, proper, Steven Tyler j-j-Jayded.
That I’ve given up on finding a man who is real and won’t cheat on me.
I’ve been in two major relationships both of which ended because my partner was cheating on me.
I’m now 30, and to be honest a large part of me has given up on ever finding a partner.
I watch my friends and family get ahead…and get married… and have children… and nothing feels worse than the hushed voices and the looks of surprised sympathy and disdain at my “situation “.
I know I’m not a victim but I just want to snap out of this state.
Please advise me on how!!
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Hi there, I'm sorry you're stuck in this rut and I don't have any advice because I'm in the same spot. On one hand it feels like the answer is to become independent and confident with the idea of never finding a partner, but I think as we get older the reality hits that the worst fate is to die alone. Maybe that's why so many people tolerate cheating partners and abusive situations--maybe in a sick way it's better than being alone.
Personally I don't think lasting love exists. I've never seen a couple over the age of 50 who seems like they're in love. Sure people stay together and put on a show of affection but that's not the same as being in love, the kind of love that would make you walk across fire, the kind of love we feel when we're young. So my (cynical) conclusion is why bother? If all romances die by the time you're 50, then what's the point?
Like I said, I shouldn't be giving advice because I have no one. But I definitely don't feel like a victim, if that's what you want to avoid(?). I look at all my friends of the same age and sure they're married but none of them are in love. I really do prefer being alone rather than being in a flawed, lukewarm arrangement based on mutual fear of dying alone. Cheating partners can suck it. So yay we got that going for us, eh?
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