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Dear Auntie N,
I miss you, we all do of course, especially A****. We feel lost. You always said how you had more than one child, you made up for the things mine couldn’t, and exceeded every expectation we ever had of you. I miss your advice, you’d know what to tell me to do right now I know it, I want to drop out of Uni - sounds terrifying! But there’s another course I want to do, it’s very different but I think you’d love the sound of it as much as I do. I miss your funny daily gossip and the thoughts you’d share, and the peculiar answers you could give to any given question. It’s not fair you were taken so suddenly and so quickly and I hate the world for it. I know you’re looking after everyone else up there as you did when you were down here, and you’re our angel looking down N****. I could use your medical advice (as always) right now, I know you would give me the right ointment even if I thought it over the top or laugh at your way of doing things. You were so special, you ARE so special to us all. You’re missed by everyone, every life you touched and mother who’s baby you delivered, by every soul who felt the touch of your kindness. Every day gets harder the more I feel your absence and knowing it’s another day you won’t see. You deserved a happier life, and a much longer one. You deserved to go grey and have us look after you in your old age and it kills me you’ll never get there. I know I can’t come and join you because I would have no rest in death if my life ended too quickly, you’d make sure of it! I would try and look after everyone else but it’s so hard when my heart hurts this much. You would love the people I’ve met here, I will miss them when I come home but we all know I need time back with the family and the support network, it was the wrong time for me to go anyway. A**** is coming to see me tomorrow and to stay, she will sort me out and either knock some sense into me or take me home, I want it to be the latter. I knew in the build up to coming here I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to do psychology, I didn’t want to leave my family, I never thought I would be here and when I was coming here I thought I may aswell give it a go. I haven’t felt this low in years. I’m not built for psychology, and I don’t want to do it. I want to do something I enjoy and that will make me happy and make other people happy. It isn’t about missing Bournemouth, while I do, it’s about putting myself first and going with my heart.
I love you Auntie N. Even writing this I feel more sure in what I want to do. Rest in Peace.
T****
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