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Me vs the world, but am i strong enough?
1 month ago · · Anxiety, · Explicit
It's always seemed like that. The first things that come to mind is racism, islamophobia, sexism...it feels like people don't understand what it feels like to be part of not 1, not 2 but 3 'disadvantaged' categories when it comes to..uh...life. How about we add anxiety to that cake? Tastes wonderful, right?
But along with those 3 things i mentioned, there's other stuff, the smaller struggles that are actually huge struggles too. I used to have someone, someone who I cared for more than anything, even myself. Somebody I'd die for, somebody I admired and loved like it was everything, and to be honest, that's how it felt - he was everything to me...but I was naive and a hopeless romantic, and believed it would work out to be that happily ever after we talked about so often. So when I faced the facts and resorted to being just friends, things got...fragile. He began texting to me less and less, until he just became a ghost. Read my messages, watch my stories but never replied to my "Hey, you okay?" 's.
And let me tell you, that feeling fucking sucks.
He was a priority to me because I wanted him to feel special and loved and like he always had someone to talk to. He used to say the same for me: "you can always count on me too". Yet he was never there. So I came to the conclusion that he was not a good friend at all. It took me 2 and a bit months but I think I finally got it.
Okay. Now what?
Thanks to that anxiety I mentioned at the start, i don't exactly have...friends? I don't have anyone to open up to. Not even my family, or my anonymous blog followers online, or whatever! Not even a pet. Ouch.
I have reached the loneliest point ever and damn, it sucks too. So that's why it's me against the world now. Because of everything that's being thrown at me to make me more isolated, more desperate and more of an outcast, I'm trying to take a stand, slowly.
I'm sick of this shit; sick of being too anxious and awkward with people, sick of being too complicated to be loved, sick of being the misfit so what do I do? I'm gonna try and disregard it all and step out of my comfort zone day by day, little things to get me to the person I want to be.
If nobody wants to be a supportive and caring person in my life, then fine, I will do it myself. I will do all the things people say i couldn't do, out of spite and i will do it all myself.
Thanks to my hyperactive and vivid imagination, i guess you could say this is my villain origin story (it gives me a sliver of confidence, ha!)