Dear Donut

Why are we fighting so much? Its been two weeks of long distance with a 9.5 hour time difference. all this time was going well. until a few days ago. why are we in this snowballing fight?

friday, you told me to talk to you about what was on my mind. i was beginning to, when you. fell asleep. it was night time there. you were tired. i understood. didnt say a word about it. your next morning you. got busy. its cool, i get it. its uni. its. busy.

the next day i was at training when you called. i didnt have my phone with me. i had no idea you were calling. if i did i would pick up. you then got firm. on the notion that i was too busy for you.

the next day when i was about to train you were with your friends but also wanted to talk to me. i waited for your call for half an hour at the training venue. you spoke to me differently on call for those 2 minutes that we spoke, with your friendss areound. as it was one of the things i was insecure about, i asked you repeatedly why you were talking to me like that. i was on edge, so it may have come across differently. your fruends then thought i was shouting at you and giving you sh*t. i wasnt. i wasnt trying to. i wanted to talk to you. we ended up fighting about the fact that i shouted at you. i am sorry for making you feel that way especially in front of your new friends. we. couldnt talk even then.

my evening, your next morning, we fought, again.

my next morning, your night, we spoke a bit before you went out for your party. then again, you were done with your party when i was. at training. and you texted me "i always stay up to talk to you but you never stay up for me". but that isnt true. youre up partying getting high, i dont stay up because you go out in the day for classes or with friends. and. i also have fitness in my mornings. but i still pick up when you call at nights because i wanna talk to you bc i miss you so much.

tonight was the worst. i was gonna stay up because tomorrow was my rest day. i really was. i fell asleep. with the lights on, ac off, and without even changing. it was out of my control. its so much harder to stay up when youre alone. and look at the universe conspiring against us. you called when i was asleep. and i didnt pick up this time.

now we're in this terrible mess.

please, lets talk about everything. i want to fix this. i love you. i really do. i want us to come up. with a plan for this long distance to avoid these kind of feelings both ways.

lets. work. this. out. its not "whatever/whenever i want"

its for us.

i am so sorry i havent been there when you called. i cant change my training, but apart from that when im resting or sleeping, i will make all the time i can for you. i promise. you mean the world to me, and i want to do this relationship right. now. i want to put the past behind and be a better partner.

love, squishy