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I haven’t had any real interaction with teenagers my age in probably 3 years. When I was in 9th grade, I begged my parents to get me out from school, I don’t remember exactly why I did that but I remember feeling really frustated by pretty much everything. I felt like I was being trapped. I have never liked the school from day 1. because I got out when I was in 9th grade, I couldn’t just move to another public or private school, so my parents homeschooled me. I thought homeschooling was gonna be fun, but I forgot about the whole situation in home. after that my life turned upside down and I suffered from depression for 1 and a half year. but obviously depression doesn’t exist in a conservative house hold, so my life was pretty much hell, even though I don’t believe in hell. when I was suffering from depression, I gave up my passion, my hobbies, my social life, my education- everything. It was really hard, and scary because I was just a kid and had to go through so much pain alone. I went to see a psychiatrist but had to stop because of the pandemic. now I’m in 12th grade, a senior in high school, well I’m not really “a senior”, I’m still homeschooled. anyway I’m going to a university next year, and I’m SO excited for that cause I will finally have my own place and actually have a life. but in order for me to get accepted into the university, I have to prepare myself for the test. so now I’m taking classes, and I met people there. and- I MET REAL PEOPLE THERE. it’s all really overwhelming for me right now. I kinda hate myself because it’s like I have to learn all over again how to socialize. last night someone from my class reached out to me and asked me if we could study together. we studied together and ended up talking for hours. he was really cool and chill, and I haven’t met a person so cool since forever so I was scared if I messed something up. I stayed up all night overthinking the words I said. I tried so hard to be myself but I know at some point I pretended to be someone else cause I don’t want him to think that I’m too much or I DON’T KNOW- just, I feel weird, to have like a relationship, well not a relationship, but, you get it, with another person… it feels so… strange..? and honestly I feel a bit intimated by them because they obviously have the experiences that I don’t so I feel like I’m missing out on so many things.
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ReplyYou mean a friendship with this other person. Please don't try to be someone else because everyone else is taken. You will get used to being with and talking to people. Just be wary of them.
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