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I've been taking adderall since i was 14
1 month ago · · saddness, · Explicit
It's weird that when you start out taking prescribed Adderall for ADHD everyone is so often telling you to be careful not to become an addict. I took that to mean the results of the medication would make me happy. I resisted taking any drugs for my adhd for a year but everyone told me to give it a try. My doctor and my mom finally won me over. It was a long journey to find a medication that would work and finally, we landed on Adderall. I was so happy something actually worked for me and I was able to do all my homework take notes in class and not only stay awake in math class but actually enjoy and comprehend it! I had never been able to actually do the things I wanted to do but now I was able! I was so happy that my life could actually be something more than starting things and never finishing them than feeling useless.
But I began to notice I became anxious and tired and short-tempered. Eventually, I started to give a name to the feeling I had taking Adderall. I said it makes me feel weird and gross. I worsened as I took it until finally, I stopped. I told my psychiatrist I wanted to stop at least for a while. Well, the school was hard again and a year later I was finally willing to give in to my parents. I took my Adderall again and that gross feeling returned. I began to feel drained and disconnected when I came off it.
I got bad headaches from not drinking enough water. I remember spending the night hours in the bathroom in the dark with an icepack on my head drinking water over the sink because I thought I was going to throw up. I remember feeling like I was just sort of here, I remember not being able to form an emotion or feel happy. My parents didn't realize how bad those pills made me feel. I tried to explain but they just somehow didn't understand they made me feel that bad.
Nowadays I take my meds when I need them and only then. When I do take them I feel overwhelmingly depressed while on them. I should feel happy while on them but instead, I've come to associate it with that comedown feeling and so I can't even feel happy for those few hours I should be. And I shit you not my friends will talk my ear off about how they have to choose between two boys. God, I wish I had time to think about that stuff but this pill has ruined my childhood. It's always been about surviving school and making my parents proud. I just kinda exist now. I'm still not sure why.