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So here's the story. It is all about my parents and I am not biologically related to them(but this story will focus more on my mom). I was able to accept it when they told me about the truth when I was still in high school. It was never an issue before because I never felt that I am not really related to them or what not. I have a sister and a brother, I'm the eldest. Back in my elementary days, I had a family that is happy and contented. I was raised very well, my parents are together and I never thought that what I see in the movies will happen to me, to us too.
My mom and dad seperated when I was in my senior high school year. It was because of a third party which I never understand and accepted right away. Of course! But as years go by, I just accepted it and just told myself "what can I do? "it's my mom's decision. But here's what I can't accept, the third party! He is a drug addict(this is not a hearsay and it is confirmed), he feels that he owns our house and a maniac! After I finished high school, I was 16, it was like a news in our town about their relationship. I somehow feel ashamed about it because I will often here our neighbours talk about our family and I hate it. This maniac has 4 children and they are all like their father.
Fast forward, a lot of things happen until now. I am already 29 and have my own family. This maniac is still my headache. My mother and my sister( the bilogical daughter), had a big fight because of him. It seems that my mother is choosing the maniac over her which is really painful for a daughter. I moved to another town and I helped my sister find a house here where I live without our mother's knowledge. She moved here with her fiancee. Now, my sister told our aunt's(mom's sister) about what happened and guess what? A lot of revelations which I will not tell here anymore. But yeah, a lot of revelations and we are all shocked about it.
My aunt went to my mom's house and talked to her about what happened. My mom got very mad and said that she will not attend my sister's wedding. All of the things my sister told my aunt about what happened was countered by my mom. My grandmother who is living with my mom even made my sister look crazy because she told my aunt that my sister hurt herself if they are arguing which in not true at all. My sister now is really depressed of what happen. And, mom said that her priority is the maniac since my sister is healthy and the maniac is ill. She said only few month left for him to live because he has a tubercolosis. I want to pity that man but I pity more my sister, my mom's own blood. It seems that mom is choosing this maniac over her.
Now, mom is texting me and wants me to stay wit hher in the house. I am not sure if i will go because I was hurt too by the revelations of my aunt. I was part of that revelation. I'll give one. She told my aunt that she will not give me anything(money, assets) because I am not a true daughter which I don't really care and think of it in the first place. By the way my mom's family are Chinese. His father is a pure Chinese while her mother is a Filipina. I am not after those things. And what hurt me is that why those words came out of her mouth. Now I am thinking, why did you adopt me in the first place?!
Now, I just want to decide if I should go there because my mom is telling me that she is depressed. My husband doesn't want me to go because he knows that my mom will contact me only if she needs me. But I will feel guilty if I will not go there to be with her. What should I do?
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Ahh issues with parents, I'm was/ am going through something different but similar. I wish I could say there is an easy answer, but there isn't. You have to do what makes you feel comfortable; and whatever you decide, you have to understand the consequences; and live without any regrets.
To some extent it's also what you expect of yourself, what 'moral' standards you hold yourself to.
The easiest way I can try to explain it is you can't be going down on the whim of someone else.
You can't be going down because you feel guilty and there's a feeling like you owe your mother.
You shouldn't not be going down because you are worried you will just be used, as your husband says.
Your decision should be based on how you would like to act if you weren't emotionally attached to this issue.
I "hear" your dilemma as she's "calling for help" and my outsider thoughts are that any decent person would help if they were in the position to do so without jeopardizing other relationships or their living situation'.
I will caveat with saying it's down to you to decide if you can help her, and that you can go down and walk away at any point. Don't feel pressured if you feel like you can't do what she asks of you, that's normal.
Remember: you're in complete control. - I hope this helped in some way.