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I try and understand people and understand what their intentions are but I can’t, I feel my chest hurting and I can’t seem to get a grasp on what I should do with myself. I tried talking to my girlfriend but I couldn’t even keep happy for a day. I keep thinking everyone is against me and I feel like I have no one talk to. I only speak to my therapist once a week but no one else seems to listen. I’ve had thoughts of hurting myself but I don’t want to do it. I want to disappear in a way that everyone forgets me. I want to break up with my girlfriend so she forgets who I am. I want to stop talking to people so they forget me. I don’t want to exist because I feel like everyone dislikes me. I fucking hate myself and what I’ve become so much. I was such a bright kid but now that things have gone to shit I wish I could beat the fuck out of that ugly smug face until it stops breathing. I don’t want to exist but I’m forced to. I don’t have many options and I don’t know what I am anymore
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You gotta let go. Take a deep breath and let go. Remember that the past dont define you. Includes all the good things, all the bad things. Past glories are past glories. Work on the you now. Everyone s a work in progress.
I know you hate yourself but you should figure out why. Try focusing on the quiet moments you have with yourself. Take notes of the things you like or are enjoying/ used to enjoy. Ask yourself why? Find out what about those makes you happy and do more of those. But be careful, not to put labels on yourself because people can change and outgrow themselves. Learn to be happy to be in your skin. Learn to enjoy and love your own company. Nothing will change even if you do make more and new friends, you will always feel unworthy or less than in their presence if you cannot learn to love yourself.
Most importantly, stop trying to live for others. Live for yourself. You dont have to be anything but yourself. Others are others, you dont expect other people to become another person, do you? So why do you do that to yourself? If you do insist on growth and change, focus on becoming what you think a better you could be like. Something within your means. Something that you can be. Dont project some unrealistic expecations of someones best quality onto yourself. Youre not them. Youre you. Only you can be the best version of you.
Take a deep breath, start anew. Its okay to mess up sometimes. Take pride of yourself. Always be kind to yourself. (its the least you can do for you. Not everyone out there will have your best interest at heart) Its okay to have bad days. Just keep hanging on.
Thank you so much, I just have issues with swinging between good and bad states
ReplyUnderstanding people can be tricky because you need alot of knowledge and experience in order to do that. People’s intentions? It can be fulfilling being loved, validated, desiring attention, wanting to feel special- which are human’s basic needs.
“ I feel my chest hurting and I can’t seem to get a grasp on what I should do with myself”- meaning, you know whats wrong, but dont know what to do. You are flooded with pain. I understand because we often arent taught what to do in difficult situations. This leads to confusion and desperation to change the current status.
“ I’ve had thoughts of hurting myself but I don’t want to do it. I want to disappear in a way that everyone forgets me. I want to break up with my girlfriend so she forgets who I am. I want to stop talking to people so they forget me. I don’t want to exist because I feel like everyone dislikes me.”- this means you are so desperate to get out of pain, but dont know how so you are desiring to cut off everything. You are aware its something you can do, and you are hoping this will get you out of the problem of pain you are trying to get out of. Im sure it feels like only way out.
“ I tried talking to my girlfriend but I couldn’t even keep happy for a day. I keep thinking everyone is against me and I feel like I have no one talk to… no one seems to listen”
Human communication is quite difficult. Extra difficult if person you are trying to communicate and yourself lack knowledge and experience in understanding what other person say means and understand how mind functions. From what you stated, there seems to be communication issues.
I wish you provided more info on what you tried to talk about with your girlfriend. Not sure what was the problem or whose problem it was. But Im going to assume your girlfriend had a problem and you tried to talk to her because you ended the sentence with “I couldnt keep [her] happy for a day.” If this is the case I see that you want to resolve things for other people’s happiness but you are frustrated that it seems to go opposite. This statement makes sense regarding your other sentence of “ I keep thinking everyone is against me.” You want things to go better but people keep seems to be angry or upset at you when all you want is to end the problem.
“ I feel like I have no one talk to… no one seems to listen”- You feel this way because people dont seem to understand the way you want them to. All you get is how you are wrong. What will make you feel understood is validation. Understanding the meaning and purpose behind your words.
My personal advice from what I understand is, 1. Accept that people tend to misunderstand all the time. Their minds tends to be inflexible at times where they are disagreed with or feel threatened (from disagreement). 2. You have to validate their opinion and show that you care about what they said. Something like “Oh, I see you feel x,y,z when a,b,c happens. Could you tell me more why you feel that way?” After they explain, say something like “That makes sense. Now I see why those actions matter to you. I only responded 1,2,3 because I thought you meant do, re, mi” 3. Remember that just like your opinion matters greatly to you, their opinion matters greatly too. 4. Somethings you will still not find solution to. Those things, its best to apologize and move on. But if its a draw, I dont think apology is necessary. “Hmm, gotcha. red, blue, yellow means I, II, III. I will try to remember it next time because it matters to you.” Is enough and best is to avoid it from occurring too frequently.
I hope this helped even little bit.
ReplyIt helped me understand more and maybe I’ll try to patch things up when I feel a bit more comfortable, I don’t really have many people to talk to, the person I used to talk a lot to, being my father, passed away 2 years ago to suicide and the only person I have to talk to is my therapist which doesn’t feel right. He helps I know he does but it doesn’t really explain what I’m feeling but instead what others are feeling
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