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So we had an argument again. We inherited a cottage after my father (me and my brother) I was the one who wanted it, but he changed his mind about 2 days before the legacy meeting. And the troubles began.
Mum AGAIN sent me some awful wooden houses with a plastic roof. I told her last time I am not interested. But AGAIN she does it. She wants us to destroy the old over 100 old cottage and build a new one. And she put pressure on me, not only with these pictures but she destroys me like gunfire. And when I am resistant she starts to attack me and tells me that I am insane and so on. She does not own anything so there is no reason for her to put her nose into this. But she does, because "she must".
I am tired, stressed I feel emotionally bad. Especially last about a week I feel like crying. I have problems with sleeping (falling asleep or I wake up and night with dark thoughts). Moreover, she started doing one thing I hate the most again - she WAKES ME UP because she thinks I sleep too much. So I am tired the whole day. I try to have naps but - again - she wakes me up when she is at home and not at work. I am stressed also because I am after an unsuccessful dissertation defense so I have last months to rewrite it and then it will be over for good.
I am stressed and sad because I realized how toxic her and grandma´s behavior was when they cut us off not only from father but his family as well. Now many of my aunts and uncles are dead and I do not know my cousins and their families at all.
Also, they (mum and brother) want to build a new cottage at the place of the cottage mentioned above, and - she said I will not have to pay anything now, but later after school, I will pay half of the price. (is this a joke?! it is a LOT of money to build a new cottage and what if I will got married and I will have children? and no money left?) we had an argument and she still does not understand me and she attacks me instead. I told her about my mental struggle and instead of support, she was yelling at me that I have to pick myself up and that I am dramatic...and insane... also she is toxic when she talks about our half-brother (father´s son she never told us about) and she talks about him like about a trash. I would like to know him and also the rest of the family but I feel her eyes on me watching every step I do... Also, this half-brother was not the only family secret, it seems like my grandparents were cousins. And this could possibly be the reason why my uncles were infertile (they were miners but I am not sure if this could affect fertility)
I started to unplug on social media but how to unplug from someone who lives with you? I would lock in my room if I could... I do not have a key... I set blockers on the internet browser and phone to keep me away and focus on sleep...
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this is hard tbh. i know how a toxic home is like so i see the struggle fo trying to be a peace but acn never be.
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