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I need to kill myself but I am scared
2 months ago · · Suicide,
It's kind of ironic, really. All my life I've been miserable overthinking everything and being scared of committment and now I decided to end it and I am scared of THAT decision. It seems so final, but I know I have no options or time left. I can't kill myself in December because of birthdays and Christmas, so November is the month. I know it's the right thing to do. I am a burden for society and I can't really feel anything anymore except sadness and fear. I cry almost everyday and it has been this way for 11 years. I've always been lonely and felt like I didn't belong, even with 10 years old. There never was a future for me and I knew that as a kid, but I still kept going in the hopes that it would get better. Well, it obviously never did. As an adult, I realize now that I should have killed myself, like planned, at 17. But I was too much of a coward to do it. I have money from my parents to live but I don't deserve it; I'm like a robot and have been this way since I was a child. Somehow I can't feel happiness and I don't think there is anything I can do about it. I missed my chance to improve; it's too late to change the brain now. I'm sorry that I was such a failure.