What are you looking for?
2 months ago · · Suicide
I recently read a phrase I’ve read a lot of times before but this time it hit me differently. “You can’t love anyone, if you can’t love yourself.” I always thought that this is bull. I’ve never loved myself and was able to love other people. But this time was different. This time it made me think hard. Do I really know that I’ve loved those people. Does it make sense for me to believe that I’m capable of love when all I’ve felt for myself is hatred and loathing? I’ve come to realize that the answer is no. I can’t love other people because I’m filled with only bad emotions. I have a girlfriend now and she’s so sweet and just a perfect person but does she deserve being with a guy like me ? A person who’s only dream has been to die without other people noticing… I know I’d give the world to her if I could but that’s not enough. Then there is my family. We have a great relationship but I’ve never been able to open up or even get close to my brother or my parents. There are my friends too… Those are people who love me but can’t get the same thing from me cause I’m just a negative energy. My soul has been tainted with my feelings. I just want to go… It’s the least painful, most rational thing right now. I know that wishing gets me nothing but I really wish I could just die without that having an effect on anyone. I just want to go and have peace.