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Why is it that everyone leaves
am I honestly not good enough
what the hell is wrong with-
he doesn't want to talk to me anymore (:
After everything we've been through
after all the classes I skipped
all the running I've done
all the sneaking and crying and stress
after everything I've done to see him
ive done everything I-
he just stopped talking to me-
Thank god I didn't lose my virginity
yet again he didn't want to take it
so that's a good sign
but I loved him
I still love him
he went all day yesterday without texting me
and my god damned stupid self still had to text him goodnight because you know why the hell not keep trying to hold on to him
I texted him good morning too
did I get a response? no.
Did he even look at it? no.
did he say that all the girls at his work have really fat behinds to my face? yeah. did I want to hear that? no. Is that what people do? Is that what normal people do? Tell the girl you supposedly love when she asks why you're laughing "OhH idk why but all the girls at my work have SUCH fAt As***" -----pardon my language guys
Was he snapping other people on social media? yeah
maybe I just shouldn't care anymore
because I believed with all my soul he was the one. And I loved him. I loved him so much. I love him so much it physically hurts. like gut wrenching pain that literally makes me sob and curl into a ball. What did I do wrong? Why am I- why am I made to go through this. I don't want to do this anymore. I TOLD MYSELF-HECK I DONT WANT TO GRADUATE EARLY- I started to come to the idea of graduating early just so that I could see him more. For him. I was perfectly fine going to school another year and prepping for my act more but NO I fell in love with him and thought maybe if I graduated-pushed myself-took the act now-heck my grades are good enough-my high school record is acceptable-maybe id graduate early----then I'd be able to see him more--then we could go get coffee everyday--go on picnics---just everything--and now ha all that down the drain.. for the past few months I've exhausted myself with ap classes, prepping for acts...nights where I didn't get any sleep---waking up at 4 in the morning to get assignments done because im so stressed and can't afford to have my grades drop because of ap classes. Can't afford to ruin my high school record..especially now that I sent in my application. I sent in my application--stressed over it--spent all night last night writing my entry essay---just so that maybe I'd have a future and I could see this guy... and now... now he can't even bring himself to-
You know when I first started seeing him, I thought we were moving towards something. I thought hey maybe he'll ask me out to be his girlfriend.. I was so giddy.. Life at home is rough and when I was with him.. I was happier than I'd ever been... it was the only time where I was really happy. Truly happy. I thought he'd ask me to be his girlfriend.. did he? no. he told me he loved me too haha oh the things men say to get a girl to kiss them.. I then came to the realization that it was more like friends with benefits than it was relationship... I hated it... So what did I do? I pretended that it wasn't. I pretended that maybe he wouldn't see other girls. God forbid I couldn't I didn't even want to ask. He even knew I hated the situation. I'd asked him multiple times if this was friends with benefits... and then he'd be all dodgy like OHHHhhh well noOO because friends with benefits has no feelingsss but I can't ask you to be my girlfriend because I don't see you that often blahblahblah like I SPENT MAYBE 5 HOURS WITH HIM DITCHING MY CLASSES (which was okay because I already knew the material) MAYBE LIKE 3 TIMES A WEEK AND YET HERE HE WAS
I hate him I really do
I just-- I want him- to come back-- I don't know what I'm gonna do.. I
I want to cry
I don't want to be here anymore
if it weren't for the fact that other people would notice I'd probably start -- again
idk I don't want to die but I just don't want to be here anymore
If you read all the way to the end thank you
I'm a little bit of a mess right now and everything I wrote is just a jumble of my thoughts and emotions and pain. but thank you.
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You should get over him. The faster the better. Being stuck is doing nothing for you.
ReplyYou will get over this and he will be a thing of the past.
Reply