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Hi, My name is Moxie. Listen, I know that there may be some things in life that are crazy right now. Things could be you lost a loved one or maybe you broke up with someone. I know things can be rough and terrible, but if there is at least one person that I can reach out from this story of mine, then that would make my day and I hope I can maybe make your day a little better. Anyways, here's my story.
I wanted to kill myself. I felt like I didn't belong in this world and I just felt so empty inside. It was the start of my 1st year high school when I thought these thoughts. Some times I thought to myself "I already made it this far, I might as well keep going." Other times I thought "My life is pointless, I should just disappear." I had way too many crazy thoughts so I was practically stuck in an endless loop of if I should or shouldn't kill myself. Well, one day, everything changed for me. I think it was my 2nd week of my 1st year of high school. It was picture day and I remember a girl coming up to me and saying "I'm going to walk with you because I think you're pretty cool." I just remember feeling so flattered that anyone wanted to even walk with me. From that day forward, we became pretty good friends. I remember one day she gave me a piece of paper and told me write my name and phone number on it so that just in case she was absent, I could tell her what we worked on in class. I was a bit anxious because no girl ever asked for my number. One afternoon I got a message from her out of nowhere. I was super happy because I was able to actually talk to someone on the phone. I really didn't have many friends so I was happy to make a new one. As the days went on, I stared to develop a crush on her and then one day, I confessed that I liked her. felt like a total loser cause I thought that she wouldn't like me at all, but to my surprise, she said that she liked me as well. I really started to cheer up from then on because I knew that there was someone who actually liked me. I would have never thought that anyone would have liked me. As the days went one, from just two people liking each other, went to two people becoming a couple. I met great people who because my friends and a lot of people thought we were a cute couple. I recently broke my phone and I asked one of my friends if I could use his phone for the day. I recognized some of my friends contacts and I stared to message some of them. Lets just say I didn't really say anything nice, and to make matters worse, my girlfriend got mad at me. I even tried to lie about it, but the truth is, I wanted people to be mad at me. I wanted people to hate me. The reason being is because I wanted to kill myself. I knew that things were going pretty good in my life, but I still hated myself so I went out of my way to make people hate me. Soon, people started to realize that I wasn't acting the same and some people even told teachers. One day I was sent to my counselors office and I told her everything. I don't remember much of anything that she told me to do but I do remember my counselor saying that I should try to make amendments to the people that I said mean things to, and that's exactly what I did. From that day forward, I really wasn't the same person. I suffered from depression and I always tried to hide myself from everyone. I still had that feeling that I should kill myself.
Well that's my story. I know it might have been a handful to read, but If something like this might have happened to you and you just feel like ending it all, trust me, you don't want to do that. Things like this kinda just happen. There is no changing stupid mistakes like this and I know how much you'd want to. Just know that there are many people out there who may still like you for who you are. There will always be someone out there for you, even if you can't find them right now.
Thanks for reading and have a wonderful rest of your day.
Yours truly, Moxie<3
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Moxie firstly I hope you are truely on a better path now and you’re able to fufill life with the people and things you truely love. I feel like when we are stuck in our own shadow it’s hard to find another person’s light when they shine it on us. We often feel like we don’t deserve it but as your story tells, there is light at the end of the tunnel and the people who are willing to stay will be there for you.
For so long I’ve been trying to find anyone who I can call as a friend and as much effort I tried to put, I’ve learnt that I shouldn’t force such thing to happen because I know my time will come when I need a person or people in my life. I’ve learned so much more ever since letting go the idea of holding onto someone and I can only hope it goes up from here.
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