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2 months ago · · suicidal,
i’m really tired of being here. over and over again since I was 11 years old I constantly have my heart broken, I keep waiting for when I’ll stop caring but my heart still breaks. it only breaks so much that I want to give up. I’m so close, closer than I have ever been, it’s almost certain that I’m going to do it. I’ve accepted who I am. everyday I see couples walking past holding hands or might have kids, it makes me so sad to think they have no idea how lucky they are to have something that may seem so simple and normal such as a family. I wish and want more than anything in life just to have a family. I want to be loved by someone so much that they want to spend the rest of their life with me. But it’s not in the cards for me. I’m unloveable and I’ve been told that by both my previous boyfriends. I don’t understand why Im so hard to love, it’s like Im already a ghost. I want to do it, I want to disappear and be nothing, like I never existed. I wish this worked out for me, I wish I could have been someone and had a life, I wish it didn’t have to end this way. But anything good in life just isn’t in the cards for me. I’m so tired of being here. I need to plan something for when it all goes down.